Substantia Jones (she/her)

Riding that Delusions of Grandeur train all the way to the Nobel. I’m telling you, if they award him so much as a Popeye’s coupon, I’m kicking Norway in the taint. And I *like* Norway.

…”I don’t want to be a distraction. Oh, wait. No. I want to spend more time with my fam— errr… I’m being paid to get outta the way so tRump can install #Cuomo as Mayor/Presidential Pocket Pet. I’d love to stay and fake smile at you some more, but I’ve got a back-scratching reach-around to get to…”

#NYCMayor #EricAdams, seven-time winner of the US Government Corruption Awards (The Blagos), and hilariously bad actor if his announcement vid is any indication, has just ended his reelection campaign. I was off mending my well-worn #VoteZohran tee, so I didn’t hear a reason, but I imagine it was…

…”I don’t want to be a distraction. Oh, wait. No. I want to spend more time with my fam— errr… I’m being paid to get outta the way so tRump can install Cuomo as Mayor/Presidential Pocket Pet. I’d love to stay and fake smile at you some more, but I’ve got a back-scratching reach-around to get to…”

Twitter-now-X not rejected my request, I was warned not to try creating a new account using a different name (which I wouldn’t have done). I guess I’m not a big enough tool for the Twitter exonerations.

But I still miss Twitter, and I did inquire about getting my account back when Musk took over, even though I wasn’t sure my conscience would allow me to. He’d said all the formerly banned folks would be welcomed back. But not me.

Yeah, more and more small and mid-size businesses and arts organizations are replacing websites with Instagram accounts, making it impossible for prospective customers to find them. I can’t help thinking they’ll be sorry when Trump sinks his claws even more deeply into his boy Zuckerberg’s flesh.

PS: Looks like you’re gonna have to go ahead and start that war you’ve had your eye on.

Hella Sincerely,
Me and a bunch of others

#TeamKimmel
#TeamConstitution
#TeamTruth
#DeOrangeTheOval

Dear Mr. President,

We’re neck-deep in a Constitution ablaze and a Putin-trained dictator who’s just gotten his training wheels removed. Yet we’re still not distracted from your Epstein taint, Sir. And just because I’m laughing like a 12-year-old at my choice of words doesn’t make it any less true.

…And if you care about the truth, you’ll want to listen to what Kimmel actually said. It’s not at all what MAGA claims. If you’re still confused, hit me up and I’ll try to diagram the sentences for you. Though Constitutionally, no one should have to.

#Kimmel
#KeepKimmelDumpTrump

NYC radio producer and host, in the studio with the FCC-prohibited Carlin words on a big sign behind her. The woman was grateful for reasonable broadcast regulations. Note she’s not saying the Carlin words. Which was usually not a problem.

…Does it compare to what’s happening to Kimmel? And all Americans? Only a smidge. The biggest difference being we didn’t have a grifter in the White House. So as long as no one reported me saying any of the Carlin words, we were *protected* by the laws, not threatened by them….

…angry responses, because for some, my words found fertile soil. Words as heartfelt and true as Kimmel’s were. All this while mega corporations were trying to get our license pulled, to tenderize us for their offers to buy our valuable spot in the middle of the NYC FM radio dial….

Lover of critical thought, belly laughs, human rights, and Kimmel. Behind the mic on the radio in NYC. Woman. Cheesed off about our authoritarian snowflake in chief.

Upon her passing, I said far more critical things on the radio about the beloved Joan Rivers. As the holder of an FCC broadcast license with my name on it. Was it challenging for her fans to hear? Yes. Did it piss people off? Of course it did. But it was vitally important. And worth the many…

*YouTube and/or Substack, here I come… to shout into the wind on those platforms, too.

At times like this I’m almost sorry I’m banned from X and Instagram. YouTube and/or Substack, here I come. Wanna at least get in before those plugs are pulled, too.

Follow The Bulwark, if you’re not.

They say no two snowflakes are alike, but I’m lookin’ at a fuckton of ‘em. All identical.

#NotAReaderAmongThem
#SomebodyWhoDOESReadPleaseHireKimmel

Jimmy Kimmel condemning violence and sending love to Charlie Kirk’s family. His show’s now been pulled.

Yup. Unforgivable.

ABC Pulls ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’ Indefinitely After Host’s Charlie Kirk Comments Nexstar, one of the biggest owners o US f TV stations in, said will pre-empt Jimmy Kimmel's late night show due to the host's Charlie Kirk remarks

The Snowflake in Chief is so snowflaky. Buh-bye every last drop of ABC programming. #Kimmel is brilliant, and will land on his feet. And hopefully yours, too.

variety.com/2025/tv/news...

It premieres this Friday. Go see it 6 or 700 times. I am.

Just home from an advance IMAX screening of Spinal Tap 2: The End Continues, followed by a live Q&A from LA. I’ve seen the original gobs of times, and I feared the sequel I’ve waited 40 years for wouldn’t be worthy.

It was worthy.

#TheseTwoAssholes
#SpinalTap2

…do not leap from your prominently located seat and clap loudly over your head, whoop-whooping, fist pumping, and vogue dancing until the cameras tire of you. Because that would be a rude focus suck, wouldn’t it?

#ItsSomeoneElsesTime
#BeAGrownup

Wedding etiquette for those attending The Big Nuptials: When the hushed attendees lean forward to hear the two tenderly exchange their quiet, personal vows, each wiping a tear from the other’s cheek as they poetically recount their years-long love story…

The logo can be a cha-cha shoe. The museum’s namesakes (and any other non-fans of Sir John Waters) won’t get it. Which is the hallmark of all good logos.

Big love to Rocco Vertuccio for misspeaking “The Museum of Natural Hissy” on @spectrumnewsny1.bsky.social this morning. My wish is that an inspired viewer will make it a reality. I can almost taste it. The Musk-Trump Museum of Historic Snits, Huffs, and Toddlereque Tantrums. The promo writes itself.

The speed with which he wrote and posted this one was impressive, even to this longtime fan. Or maybe he predicted the Big, Beautiful Snit. As we all did.

More humans like Jesse Welles, please.

This guy consistently posts songs with incredible lyrics mere hours after events unfurl. This was a good one.

@katiephang.bsky.social

*slow clap*

*slightly speedier clap whilst standing*

*huge applause with whooping*

*those who know how to do that two-fingered whistle thing are doing that, too*

Brava, Katie. Thank you.

(Under a medical mandate to temporarily halt all intake of news. Last time I was given such an order, I told them to shut their face hole ‘cause I couldn’t hear Maddow. This time… I’m staring at socks. #Survival)

New socks. Vacuum sealed for freshness. Or is it a diminutive ape clubbing a Wegovy-ed up duck in the back of the head as he’s about to receive reverent fellatio from a donkey-headed praying mantis holding a tiny whale?

Nah. It’s socks.

Can’t they just whip out their respective danglies and end this? A pissing contest should involve actual pissing. It’s far more expedient. And believe it or not, a lot less messy.

(This comment motivated by and typed into an iPhone 11 Pro, currently circling the drain.)