Substantia Jones (she/her)

And hey, Mr. Speaker, masturbators are smarter, funnier, better on cross-country road trips, and all-around finer human beings. Just a suggestion.

#ItsScienceMan

And stop co-opting the word ‘victim’ to soften the crimes of pedophiles, Presidential or otherwise. A real dick move, that. Wondering what a post-Trump world will look like: THIS GUY.

Thanks to #TheLincolnProject for the shot.

#MikeJohnson
#Satan
#SittinInATree

Speaker Mike Johnson’s “now hold on there” list of the “Dangers of the discharge petition” includes: “2. Innocent Persons: Risks disclosure of non-credible allegations, creating new victims.”

Wondering why the GOP is finally halting the #Epstein coverup? It’s because they ain’t. See #WeakerJohnson’s 2nd point/excuse for files fuckery. So who gets to decide which accusations are credible and which are to be redacted into oblivion? Y’know. The way perhaps an actual investigation might’ve?

@amyleechen.bsky.social and I had lunch today in an A-Ha video.

#Shirokuro
#2DRestaurant
#EastVillage
#TakeOnMe

Maybe y’all can open for my band, The Fuck Knuckles. (Working title.)

Dems (and better) swept yesterday, and today it’s announced #ColeEscola is writing a #MissPiggy movie. I think this weird thing I’m feeling is hope. Or gas.

…And though I usually get on well with folks who have pierced nipples, that #Cuomo is big creepy, yes? VOTE, guhdammit!

#VOTE
#ZohranForNYC

Is #Mamdani perfect? Of course not. I’ve been #voting since before rocks were invented, and I’ve never once had any perfection to vote for. (Except for Maya Wiley, natch.) As Rebecca Solnit wrote, “Voting is a chess move, not a valentine.”

Also #Zohran lays down some tasty rhymes.

#ZohranForNYC

Vote ‘em if y’got ‘em! Me, I voted #ZohranMamdani. Because I dig freedom. Not the truck nuts / decal of an eagle holding an automatic rifle and a PBR sort of freedom. I vote for the legit, no exagge stuff. Freedom of speech, voting rights, not murdering people… y’know. #NerdFreedom

#ZohranForNYC

He thinks he’s slippery, but nah. Just slimy.

#BitchBetterHaveMyMoney

Every time I snarl about #Trump refusing to release the $6 billion in #SNAP contingency funds, I feel naive for believing it’s in fact still in the treasury. I mean, he stocked all the agencies with his fellatery of loyalists, who on the daily teach us that even the impossible is pretty damn likely.

Kyle’s mom blames Canada. (South Park) Image is from a scene launching the song “Blame Canada.” Apologies if that now gets stuck in your head.

I’ve studied the science of gullibility. I’m aware our president is a gaping spittoon of gullibility. But to base US trade and economic policy on one freaking #SouthPark episode is…well, yeah, I guess that tracks.

Sorry about the dude and the thing and all that stuff, #Canada.

#WeLoveYou
#ElbowsUp

Trump’s ‘election integrity’ chief claimed he could declare voting emergency Heather Honey’s statements follow president’s aggressive effort to radically reshape elections before 2026

Heather Honey. Election “Integrity” head. 2020 denier. Batman villainess.

#Midterms
#2028election
#TheftInProgress
#Late60sLiveActionBatmanOnly

Their house stands in defiance of architectural logic. Always teetering, never toppling, held together with lies and ineptitude.

But this castle isn’t up to code. Kick out the right brick from the foundation, and it’ll drop to a mocking pile of rubble and dust.

Keep kicking bricks.

#NoKings

And to the #NobelPeacePrize!

A WOMAN.
A VENEZUELAN.
Fighting for DEMOCRACY.
Pushing back AGAINST AUTHORITARIANISM.
Won the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

The delicious word to flavorless word ratio in this summary is the stuff happy tears are made of. Congratulations to #MariaCorinaMachado. Congratulations to the world.

Riding that Delusions of Grandeur train all the way to the Nobel. I’m telling you, if they award him so much as a Popeye’s coupon, I’m kicking Norway in the taint. And I *like* Norway.

…”I don’t want to be a distraction. Oh, wait. No. I want to spend more time with my fam— errr… I’m being paid to get outta the way so tRump can install #Cuomo as Mayor/Presidential Pocket Pet. I’d love to stay and fake smile at you some more, but I’ve got a back-scratching reach-around to get to…”

#NYCMayor #EricAdams, seven-time winner of the US Government Corruption Awards (The Blagos), and hilariously bad actor if his announcement vid is any indication, has just ended his reelection campaign. I was off mending my well-worn #VoteZohran tee, so I didn’t hear a reason, but I imagine it was…

…”I don’t want to be a distraction. Oh, wait. No. I want to spend more time with my fam— errr… I’m being paid to get outta the way so tRump can install Cuomo as Mayor/Presidential Pocket Pet. I’d love to stay and fake smile at you some more, but I’ve got a back-scratching reach-around to get to…”

Twitter-now-X not rejected my request, I was warned not to try creating a new account using a different name (which I wouldn’t have done). I guess I’m not a big enough tool for the Twitter exonerations.

But I still miss Twitter, and I did inquire about getting my account back when Musk took over, even though I wasn’t sure my conscience would allow me to. He’d said all the formerly banned folks would be welcomed back. But not me.

Yeah, more and more small and mid-size businesses and arts organizations are replacing websites with Instagram accounts, making it impossible for prospective customers to find them. I can’t help thinking they’ll be sorry when Trump sinks his claws even more deeply into his boy Zuckerberg’s flesh.

PS: Looks like you’re gonna have to go ahead and start that war you’ve had your eye on.

Hella Sincerely,
Me and a bunch of others

#TeamKimmel
#TeamConstitution
#TeamTruth
#DeOrangeTheOval

Dear Mr. President,

We’re neck-deep in a Constitution ablaze and a Putin-trained dictator who’s just gotten his training wheels removed. Yet we’re still not distracted from your Epstein taint, Sir. And just because I’m laughing like a 12-year-old at my choice of words doesn’t make it any less true.

…And if you care about the truth, you’ll want to listen to what Kimmel actually said. It’s not at all what MAGA claims. If you’re still confused, hit me up and I’ll try to diagram the sentences for you. Though Constitutionally, no one should have to.

#Kimmel
#KeepKimmelDumpTrump

NYC radio producer and host, in the studio with the FCC-prohibited Carlin words on a big sign behind her. The woman was grateful for reasonable broadcast regulations. Note she’s not saying the Carlin words. Which was usually not a problem.

…Does it compare to what’s happening to Kimmel? And all Americans? Only a smidge. The biggest difference being we didn’t have a grifter in the White House. So as long as no one reported me saying any of the Carlin words, we were *protected* by the laws, not threatened by them….

…angry responses, because for some, my words found fertile soil. Words as heartfelt and true as Kimmel’s were. All this while mega corporations were trying to get our license pulled, to tenderize us for their offers to buy our valuable spot in the middle of the NYC FM radio dial….

Lover of critical thought, belly laughs, human rights, and Kimmel. Behind the mic on the radio in NYC. Woman. Cheesed off about our authoritarian snowflake in chief.

Upon her passing, I said far more critical things on the radio about the beloved Joan Rivers. As the holder of an FCC broadcast license with my name on it. Was it challenging for her fans to hear? Yes. Did it piss people off? Of course it did. But it was vitally important. And worth the many…

*YouTube and/or Substack, here I come… to shout into the wind on those platforms, too.