Noelle Kaiami

Your annual reminder to do a colonic before midnight. Don't take old shit into the new year.

I'm about 1-3 crises away from going unhinged and running out into the street, tearing my clothes off and pooping onto asphalt praying that a bus hits me.

In other words, a regular last day of final exams. How's your Thursday going?

In John Gardner's Grendel, there's this trait
where Grendel says things he believes are true, but aren't. When he's dying at the end, he screams, "I'm not hurt."
It's like the more you advertise something, the less likely it's true. Your perception of yourself isn't the same of others.

If I find myself anywhere asking for a moment of silence for Kirk, I'll will start screaming "Ding dong, the witch is dead" at the top of my lungs.

I dislike formality and pomp and circumstance but I know I have to be visible so young trans/queer/bipoc students know that there is a future that includes them

One of my students was acting up and told him it was "maidenless behavior." He shut up immediately after he apologized. He said someone who references Elden Rings without cringing is totally fearless.

....thanks?

Trans kids need to see trans adults. Fuck, trans adults need to see other trans adults. They all need to see that there's a future waiting for them.

....according to my students, I don't have resting bitch face. Instead I have resting "my bus is late exactly 7 minutes" face.

AAAAAAHHHH! My class officially has a waitlist now. Students are actually WANTING to work with me?
WHY?!?!?!?!!!

I now have several scratches on my ass. But I asserted my dominance.

Aaaahhhh! I thought my cat was hopping onto my chest to cuddle me, but he turned around to fart in my mouth!

What's with all these BIPOC people on social media saying Racisim isn't a problem in America? Like there is no war in Ba Sing Se?

"A New Age of Heroes" – a MvC2 tribute debuting at EVO 2025!

I had my student assistant lead an ice breaker. She chose "What song sums up your dating life?"
A student said "that one song by The Wanted."
He wouldn't say what the song was called. I googled it real quick.
It was "I'm glad you came."
IT'S ONLY MONDAY PEOPLE. CAN WE KEEP THE BS TO A MINIMUM?

Claiming that queer people asking for queer spaces is like segregation is like saying that we should all shit in the same toilet and go at the same time.

I love the people I hold space and community with--but for my straight, cis, people---hold your peers accountable.

I am grateful for the fact that after accidentally eating 1/2 a bag of edibles before I realized that they were in fact edibles & not taffy last night, I have only a slight headache coming into work this morning.

I wonder if Elon's obsession with youth as evidenced by his DOGE committee and the women he is forcefully impregnating (because I doubt it was of their own free will) is because he knows his days as a pass around cum dumpster party bottom are behind him.

Make room. Me and my massive pile of unpainted minis are planning on moving up.

A student said they're uncomfortable being in my office because it's "very queer" and it's "off putting."
Honey. Have you seen me? *I* am very queer and very off putting.

✨🌈 The more you know 🌈✨

With the mask bans, I'm going to wear my nurse scrubs, have a name badge that says "infectious diseases" and just start coughing on everyone & everything that celebrates the ban. Wipe my nose on my hand before shaking hands. Good luck fuckers. Want to target the immunocompromised? I'll fight back

I have to keep telling people that the students crying in my office aren't because *I'm* the one making them cry. They're crying because they feel safe to do so in my presence. I'm there to scoop up the pieces that academia shattered.

Edna Crabapple saying “oh, Lord, it’s only Wednesday.”

I don’t know how to do social media. I’m old, cranky, and desire soup.