eyeofheaven

thank you so much I appreciate y'all <3

thank you I'm ok, I missed you too and hope you're doing ok <3

also he lied about what I said after I said it. he congratulated me for saying "parts" instead of "alters" when I 100% said alters bc I specifically was talking about how I got dx with OSDD by a previous therapist bc I have alters with less amnesia. do not fucking like him

life update: things are in motion to switch therapists but he might not take my insurance so if he doesn't then my current therapist wants me to see both him and his supervisor to do "parts work" (same people that said you don't have alters if you're aware of them) (nightmare)

you ever read back your old posts and get mad that you're having the same problems

yesss I really liked Hannibal. hope you enjoy

I had a manic episode in early December and didn't recover lol everything's been fucking weird since that

I'm not dead or anything. also not coming back just yet but I do miss this. I don't like bluesky as a replacement for vent but I didn't like any of the other ones and also my internal life(?) has been falling apart. I came on here to reference a DM and I felt bad that I've been gone

I still haven't redownloaded it on my new phone but also I've just been fucking Weird lately. this whole month. everything's overwhelming

everything's changing internally and I feel lost in my own life

LMAO😭😭😭 this is so ominous.... the worms 🪱🪱🪱

I got a new phone and forgot to download bluesky for a few days lol my bad

I don't like being referred to by (my IRL) name as like "thank you, (name)". mainly bc it feels awkward that I don't do that. I know I* literally picked that name so I should be fine hearing it, but idk it's too intimate almost??

I have a normal relationship to food and sex!!!

I need to stop nitpicking my morality it's really annoying. it'd be fine if I was engaging with it and then could put it down, but I never feel satisfied and wanna make everything black/white like idk man it depends

having an identity crisis without me? 😏

[pronouncing it like “naked”] i am so baked

I don't even remember what I did for my 18th birthday I just know I felt like shit about it

I feel like I age regress more than I realize. yesterday I did feel like I was turning 18 which I said on accident. I laughed it off but sometimes I do feel stuck at 17... whatever that's about. age is such a subjective feeling anyway so it feels frivolous unless it's Obvious ig

undiagnosing myself with everything honestly I'm sick of the framework of mental illness (I won't stop thinking of myself as a patient no matter how hard I try unfortunately)

dawg my brain is trying to slim down my diagnoses like "did I really experience mania or was that bpd euphoria" are you kidding me rn. undiagnosing myself with bpd so I stop feeling like I'm "bpd and lying"

unfortunately the "being locked in the present" has persisted though it's less than during the manic episode. makes it hard to conceptualize ever having felt different than I do right now so comparison is hard

I think I'm at my baseline level of depression and everything else is making me feel like shit on top of it rather than being in a depressive episode

my goal for today is to strengthen my communication with my system 👍 somehow. brute forcing an overhaul

I need vent back so badly

I feel the need to ruin my life but I'm 22 and the ways I know are that of a teenager. I can't just like. skip school anymore

hmmmm I wonder why I get so worked up when I'm not believed. like how far back does that extend? where did it start?

technically I am regressing on my birthday but it'll even out bc nothing ever changes unless by force

nothing has even happened to me I'm just super fucking sensitive and it pisses me off

everyone hates me and wants me dead and I'm the worst person to ever live (not really)