Effective Communication

“Practice doesn’t make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect.” ― Kerry Patterson (Crucial Conversations)

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." —Ambrose Bierce

“It turns out that trust is in fact earned in the smallest of moments. It is earned not through heroic deeds, or even highly visible actions, but through paying attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection.”
― Brené Brown (Dare to Lead)

“Don't aim for perfection. Aim for progress. Learn to slow the process down when your adrenaline gets pumping.”
― Kerry Patterson (Crucial Conversations)

The mistake most of us make in our crucial conversations is we believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend.

Respect is like air. As long as it's present, nobody thinks about it. But if you take it away, it's all that people can think about. The instant people perceive disrespect in a conversation, the interaction is no longer about the original purpose—it is now about defending dignity.

One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears—by listening to them.

The key to real change lies not in implementing a new process, but in getting people to hold one another accountable to the process.

Goals without deadlines aren’t goals; they’re merely directions.

As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape—with any degree of success—is the person in the mirror.

People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool--even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs.

During difficult conversations, it’s common for people to shut down and walk away or react with anger. To bring dialogue back to a safe place, it’s important to become curious. Ask why they are feeling the way they are. Be sincere when trying to get to the source of their anger or denial.

It’s important to stick to the facts. While it can be easy to confuse the stories we tell ourselves (which may not be the whole truth) and the facts, always focus on the facts to keep dialogue on track.

Facts are the foundation of every conversation. They determine what you’re talking about and what comes next.

It’s necessary to find mutual purpose. This means being genuine when looking for a common goal and honestly working to achieve the shared goal instead of manipulating or leading toward a personally desired outcome.

The key to a successful conversation is having an open dialogue, and to do so you must start with yourself. While you can’t be sure you can control anyone else in the dialogue, you can control yourself.

Be genuine when asking others to share their facts and their stories. As they share, it’s important to remember the ABC’s to be a skillful listener: Ask, mirror, paraphrase, and prime.

Becoming a vigilant self-monitor is important to dialogue. Make sure to frequently step out of the discussion and evaluate your own actions and reactions. Then evaluate how others are reacting to you and adjust your behavior to return to the common goal.

There’s often a gap between what we say, what we mean, and how someone else perceives what was said. When engaging in a crucial conversation, blend confidence with humility. Be confident enough to state opinions and facts, but also be open to accept a challenge.

Treating conversation as a process in which people add meanings to a shared pool of information, while some ideas are controversial, people feel safe and do their best to ensure all ideas are contributed.v

Before stepping into a conversation, think of the result you want to achieve or begin with the end in mind. Setting your goals before the conversation helps you to stay focused throughout the exchange.

When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, it’s important that everyone involved in the conversation feels safe. Look for signs of fear and bring the conversation back to safety.

Facts are the least controversial aspect of tough conversations. They give you an indisputable place to start.