AlanPadres

Tomorrow:

“Kalshi to sue ICE prison officers for making a bet on whether someone would die without using our platform to facilitate”

Donald Trump watching the USA dismantle yet another South American country:

Whoever said romance is dead clearly hasn’t read this article

a man speaking into a microphone with the words we talkin about practice ALT: a man speaking into a microphone with the words we talkin about practice

The pitcher for Australia hit the batter on the wrist, now he’s exiting the game . . .

This just means that next WBC we need to start Spring Training in January so pitchers have more time to shake off the rust and build up

Dude when he tried to hit the edit button:

a man with curly hair wearing glasses and a blue shirt says lucky ALT: a man with curly hair wearing glasses and a blue shirt says lucky

Eunuchs discovering this cereal:

Ken Rosenthal:

“A second PED suspension for Jurickson Profar just goes to show how bad of an influence Fernando Tatis Jr really is.”

RFK Jr seeing this:

What’s an “Altech”?

2026 White Elephant Gift Exchange:

“Will you pick a new gift, or steal?”

“I’ll steal! The one with Trump.”

“Hey that’s not fair!!”

“STOP THE STEAL EH JANUARY JAKEY!?!😭🤣”

January Jakey:

Majority of our country can’t read above a 6th grade level so sadly this all tracks and we’re probably gonna get dumber and dumber as time goes on 😭

Was Marco Rubio unavailable?

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ChapGPT:

“Why go to the hospital when your work health insurance plan gives you free access to ChapGPT Premium Max +”

Me, A Padres fan: “We are so cooked . . . (Eyes scroll down): We are so back”
#Padres

Trump: “Those who died were suckers and losers.”

$10K for bowl & candlesticks, or ill-fitting hat & mittens

3 guesses what this is for

A “jug” just went for twenty bucks. Hogwild

Antiques Roadshow will show a dude bringing in an old box, talk to the leading expert in 18th century colonial torture paraphernalia, and discover that Grandma’s cigar box used to hold human fingers (probably), and he can now afford his insulin that he’s been rationing due to “motions at everything”

They have a tip attachment that heats up while it massages. Highly recommended 😮‍💨👌

Eating gristle to own the libs

Padres win the Freddy Fermin trade 😎

White on White crime?

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👀

More like Butt Waldron

Is breaking the Constitution illegal now?

Woke has ruined everything SMDH 🤦‍♂️

Back when American Healthcare was good