Andy Churnwell

John Lennon as an old man.

"We tried peace and love. It didn't work! Now we've got to get behind Troomp and Farage. That's all I'm saying: give Reform a chance. Just give them a chance. Paul's a snowflake. He rang me the other day telling me off for sharing memes on Facebook. He's gone woke."

Left panel: A man with medium-length dark hair and a beard is looking intently. Text over the image reads: “What is your favourite film?” Right panel: Sir Keir. Text over this panel reads: “The Boss Baby: Family Business.”

Nick Tenconi with his fart face

Nick Tenconi, full of farts, flexing.

Meet the Swindon man who's suing Tesco after scalding his bellend on a rotisserie chicken.

Nicki Marcel Tenconi: Here’s what’s visible: A man is in the foreground, looking into the camera. His real hairline and beard are visible, but the top of his head has been edited to appear bald with a stretched, transparent material wrapped around it — likely meant as a visual gag. He is holding up one finger, and the fingertip has been edited to show a white, blob-like shape on it, which looks intentionally humorous or mocking. In the background, there are police officers in high-visibility jackets and a group of people holding signs. One sign reads “WELCOME FAR RIGHT” in yellow and red. The setting appears to be an outdoor protest or political demonstration.

What on earth is this dilbert doing now!?

Julia Fartley-Pooer fartly pooing.

TFW you get your foreskin stuck in your fly.

Seb Payne: I suffer from jumbo nuts, a rare medical condition by which my penis sits atop my freakishly large testicles like a man lounging on a beanbag.

Girlbossing austerity. 😎

Rachel Reeves Times piece: "I'm sick of the mansplaining."

You: Rachel, I don't think this budget's very good. In fact, it's going to result is the deaths of many poor, elderly, and vulnerable people.

Rachel: STOP MANSPLAINING!

Big head, la-da-da-da-da
Big head la-da-da-da
Big head strikes again
And I've got no right to take my place
With the human race, oh, oh, oh-oh

You've got to feel for her. All those British political parties that are committed to harming trans people and she had to pick one of two that is broadly pro-trans. You couldn't make it up!

Fans await their hero, Jonny Ashworth.

Jonathan Ashworth's ascent to national superstardom has been swifter than The Beatles in 1963. 2026 will be the year he cracks America.

North/south divide map indicating that the north is Greggs, the south Pret. Text suggests the North is poor, the south rich.

Famously rich *checks notes* South Wales.

I'm fascinated by how Google has spruced up its search engine. Making everything AI has really optimised the user experience so that nothing works and the suggestions it makes are utterly useless. Really enjoying this new tech trend.

By this website, I obviously meant the bad website rather than this one.

A display name with heart emojis and the name “France.” A handle shown as @FrancesW05. The tweet text reads: “Omfg as if i wasn't really upset and pissed off before. Just found another pair of knickers in his rucksack. I'm crying” The image shows a red rucksack hanging against a light-colored wall. Draped over the top of the bag is a pair of black lace underwear with white and beige detailing. There are no people visible in the photo — just the backpack and the underwear placed over it.

The saga of this rabid transphobe discovering her (probably fictional) boyfriend's massive rucksack of pants was one of the greatest things to happen on this awful website.

an old-fashioned beer advertisement featuring me. Here’s what’s visible: A smiling man in a suit sits in what looks like a pub or bar setting. He’s holding up a pint of beer with a visible label on the glass. The label includes text, though it’s somewhat stylized and not perfectly crisp. The man has neatly styled hair and glasses, and he’s posing confidently, as if part of a promotional campaign. The background shows a softly blurred pub interior with warm lighting and other patrons. At the bottom of the image, bold text reads: “Sort Your Men’s Mental Health Out.”

My message for International Men's Day:

collage-style image featuring a group of adult men edited together in front of a retro-futuristic neon background. At the top, stylized 80s-inspired text reads “Boys WILL BE Boys.” Here are the key visual elements: Several men of varying ages are cut out and arranged across the image, many with exaggerated or humorous facial expressions. One man has sunglasses; another looks contemplative with his hand on his chin. A man in the middle wears glasses and a red plaid shirt, looking unimpressed or annoyed. Another man has tape over his mouth, with a word written across his forehead. In the lower right, a man is laughing dramatically, leaning back with his legs raised.

Shout out to my boys on #InternationalMensDay.

Gervais tube ad with him being a smug cunt.

Old men are so cool. 😲

James Taylor in massive suit looking annoyed

The gen z barista's face when I start smashing my head against the pastry display case in protest of his inadequate coffee making abilities.

People who owe Graham Linehan their unconditional support:

- Adam Buxton
- Kriss Akabusi
- Enya
- Maureen from Driving School
- Frankie Valli
- Seal
- Mr. Methane
- Robson Green
- Kasper Schmeichel
- Roy Jay

Sir Keir confronting teenagers.

"Stop laughing at me."

Teenager showing Sir Keir her phone

Sir Keir's 3d computer generated head in a toilet

Sir Keir "absolutely livid" after youths show him "Skibidi Starmer" video.

America used to make good stuff like rock 'n' roll and films. Now it exports evangelical Christianity, Joe Rogan, and AI-produced Netflix documentaries.

Americans have spent 40 years dismantling and selling off our businesses, destroying our communities, and making our chocolate taste like a poo-scented Yankee candle. Yet the British right are gagging to be sandblasted in the face by more American influence.

Sir Keir and Tyrone Mings standing about while a child prepares to kick a ball into Sir Keir's nuts.

Sir Keir in pain.

BREAKING A child has booted a football really hard into the groin of Sir Keir Starmer.

Gammon faced man Ty with his smug outraged face.

BREAKING Ty, a Blackpool resident, says he would still never vote Labour, despite Sir Keir's assiduous attempts to woo him. "Bloke's a cunt."

There would be no Beatles without Graham Linehan. Yet Paul McCartney refuses to answer his calls like the coward he is!

Linehan's law: when you've lost your wife, your kids, and all your friends, and the only people who like you are evangelicals and fascists - when you spend 19 hours a day rage tweeting - that's exactly the time to double down and never log off!

Drunk at 4pm on a weekday, scrolling through an endless stream of AI boomercore slop on my iPad, my mouth agape.

Andy Churnwell @churnwell Sort of normal bloke who likes to listen to The Fratellis on 6 Music while cooking an M&S dine in for £10 tea and drinking a cheeky bottle of Becks.

Just remembered when loads of former NME writers assembled to try to bully me for this tweet.