When i was a kid, in 2026 i expected flying cars, not so much crime or poverty, no government corruption and not having 65 genders. This country is absolutely fucked.

Lads be 5ft 1 wanting their Mrs to call them daddy. Calm down papa smurf

Today is v̶a̶l̶e̶n̶t̶i̶n­̶e̶s̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶ Saturday. Everybody has been getting cute paragraphs and all I've been getting is 100% charged & your bill is ready to view.

When the boys calls over for your big day on FRIDAY the 13th.

I’ve been around long enough to know the difference between being valued and being used. Energy doesn’t lie. Own lane, own pace, own race.

I've been trying to fill the Stranger Things void. Ended up re-watching Better Call Saul & Breaking Bad, they're always better on the 2nd run aren't they it, you spot loads of plots you missed the first time you've watched them.

Theres nothing shadier than those people who use that Faceapp to make themselves look better on group photos and don't sort their friends out too. Fucking tight fuckers, hook your buddies up too you self centred bastards.

If you walk away from a toilet without wiping the seat after pissing all over it you deserve to get home from work to find your Mrs getting sent through the Bedroom wall by your best friend.

Monday, Monday, Monday. You're not going to master the rest of your life in one day. Just relax. Master the day, repeat everyday. Have a positive week.

Woke up this morning thinking it was Sunday. I honestly can't tell you the pain I felt, it was pure devastation.

It takes a few wrong turns, a few letdowns, a few wake up calls and a few wrong situations too get too the right place, you are who you are, things get better, END OF.

If laziness was an Olympic sport I would come 4th on purpose so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

You should stay away from people who are always calculating and keeping tabs on favors and what that they do for you. You and yours should move on principles of generosity and just show up for each other organically.

Being angry is tiring, no matter how valid your anger is. You really just got to let some shit go and let it be what it's going to be for your own sake.

How do i apply to be a space X astronaught? I could do with a couple days away from this planet.

HELP! I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbor’s fence and get it for you.

I fancy a tenner on dinosaurs coming back in August. Can see the headlines now, "velociraptor spotted in Tesco express in Dennehy's cross.

If you work overtime at McDonald's are you working a McDouble?

Never let anyone ruin your day. Be the bigger person and ruin it yourself.

That OnlyFans money got Bitches thinking they hustlers. Babe you're a Prostitute

A fact of life. After Mondav and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.

Me waiting for January to end.

Sometimes life is stranger than fiction. Gino D’Acampo burgling the singer Paul Young's house. Now that is fucked up shit.

In another few years I think there'll be rehabilitation centres for technology & social media.

Block & move on as hard as it'll be.

Stop sending people long ass paragraphs after they did you wrong or hurt your feelings. They don't give a fuck and nothing you say will guilt trip them into caring. Take your dignity and go.

Is it true that if you have a bible verse in your Instagram, twitter or any other social accounts bio you have a 100% chance of failing a piss test?

Social Media has made too many people comfortable in disrespecting people by not getting punched in the mouth for it

Your mental and physical health will always be more valuable than any amount of money you could ever obtain.