Jayce Lazer

a small black goat against a background of sparkles captioned you forgot to block me from the astral world. see you in your dreams.

🙌

weed cart instructions are so cute. “take one puff and wait twenty minutes” six rips and a blinker it is.

the girl with the buttered noodles tattoo

no matter your politics it’s disrespectful to joke about someone’s death. don’t say hulk hogan died when he tried to do an atomic leg drop and missed and bonked his head and bounced out of the ring and his pants flew off and his dick got twisted off the top rope. don’t say stuff like that

baby needs pasta grocery store sign

rolling up to the Olive Garden like

sure, the world is going up in flames, there's unrest in the streets, and America has become a global punchline, but at least Trump voters made the handful of trans athletes in the country feel extra bad

Gym is short for Jamesnasium.

it has come to my attention that many of you are “liking” and “reposting” without “following” and first of all, that’s illegal

You wouldn’t put pineapple on lasagna

Picture of a Squirtle with text "Come out, Squirtle" and Squirtle looking at a rainbow saying "Wow! I'm so glad I came out!"

I support my gay little turtle squirrel

just crushed a box of kraft cheez and macaroni like i was 14

still got it

having an emotional support coke zero

KID FISH: daddy i can’t sleep

DAD FISH: well son, that’s because you don't have eyelids

what's a few buttholes between friends?

Some of you write like you hit post then strut around tucking your shirt in.

This is my emotional support anxiety disorder

In the Midwest it's called skibidi terlet

the gentle exfoliation of being thrown around the washing machine drum on its final spin ✨

motherfucker isn't even sorry, that is the face of a guy who is totally gonna do it again

Like sands through the hourglass, these are the cracks in my brain

a comically large pizza wheel that i can carry on my back like an anime character could fix me

The three kinds of posts

I haven’t made any starter packs yet, but I can reskeet 100 accounts in 50 seconds or less so I am fond of you all and utterly mentally stable as well

Shall i compare thee to a summers day? For thou maketh me sweaty and fucking irritable

me as a fungus: that's the morel of the story

Bring Kilmar Abrego Garcia home now

have you tried getting high about it Charlie Brown?

starting his work day

Tinsel the calico glares at you with a furrowed brow

“I asked chatGPT-“ ok, and I asked Tinsel, and she said you’re an uninspired, vapid dork who needs a computer to think for them.