Rex Halligan

A child trafficker meets with POTUS’ personal lawyer, lies about POTUS innocence, and gets transferred to a min. security camp with special privileges. Emails drop with indisputable proof that she lied.

Dems: Haha, Trump sucked dick

Burn the Democratic Party to the ground

Not the fucking Razor Ramon pyro at Charlie Kirk’s funeral

Watching Next Gen Chef, chefs are competing at the CIA. First challenge is to create a menu based on the CIA graduate you’ve been assigned to emulate. There’s a team assigned “Anthony Bourdain.” If their first course isn’t “go out into the alley and do this bump” then what’s the point of this?

“Tickets are more at the door, but you can save $5 by preordering tickets, with a $5 eventbrite fee!”

I’m just a boy, standing in front of a they, asking you to send in your music

Whoever is running the gay 90’s EDM party on Myrtle Ave called “Aphex Twinks” -Bravo. No notes

It’s 6:30 am. I just had a nightmare where I was riding a citibike, but couldn’t find a dock, and the people trying to help or impede me kept getting more and more annoying until I seriously thought about harming them.

And I fucking realized that I wrote the NYC adaptation of Satre’s “No Exit”

Yes, a more famous guy than me also got engaged this week, but I don’t look like a cop that turns his body cam off

The internet has ruined me, because some plumbing magazine had a headline “Keep These Baddies Out of Your Drains,” and I was expecting some kind of goth plumber girl photoshoot.

LEAKED TRACK LISTING:

1. Changing in the walk in
2. Creepy DJ
3. Why won’t you work this sex party for $50?
4. Exposure
5. Teaching after 3 months
6. An uber is what?!
7. Toilet selfie
8. You’re so brave

Me explaining to my plants that there is a limited number of spots in this NYC apartment, and if they want a spot, they need to start succeeding out here in the garden before winter

The new MasterChef season is all duos. If this isn’t 50 minutes of people yelling “you’re in my way” this is TV bullshit

So many of my friends were born to be on cars in hair metal videos, just 20 years too late.

Guy on a gaming forum: “it’s not set in a small town! Small towns don’t have monorails!”
Me:

There’s uncomfortable, then there’s your partner looking at you for singing the Irish songs in Sinners uncomfortable

If im staring off during conversation, it’s because You is back on Netflix and I’m doing the Joe voiceover in my head again.

Just found out that a guy at the firehouse has a brother that runs a crane company called “Reliable Erections”

Watching 3 Body Problem, and I’m like “it’s crazy that this group wants to go outside, so they just hang out at The Cliffs of Dover.” Then I realize that I can just look at the Statue of Liberty, Brooklyn Bridge, or Central Park whenever I want. Don’t lose that sense of wonder.

It is now in Playa Del Carmen, where the permits prohibit live music. Let the Red Velvet shit commence!

I know times are tough right now, but Fyre Fest 2 is taking place in 49 days, and hasn’t announced a single act outside of former Steelers WR Antonio Brown. Tickets start at $1,400, and they were forced to move to a different venue, after Isla Mujeres claimed to have no knowledge of the event.

Get me to god’s country

Anyone that’s beaten Sid Meier’s Civilization on Prince difficulty or higher could run a better economy than this 😂

Life in your 40’s- “this storage unit place is playing my jams.”

Rewatched Terminator 2, and the bomb going off turning playground equipment into the 4 Horsemen is such an underrated shot.

It’s been 40 years, and if you still put “Space Balls: The (noun)” on something, I will laugh

Shadows is the first one I’ve been willing to try since Black Flag. But wait, you never finished Black Flag? It’s the gem of the entire series

“We should call the show Strip Patrick’s Day!”
Me, scribbling out the word “Potussy”

😂😂😂