Monster Mashed Potatoes

Sora should be illegal. That kind of shit doesn’t belong in the hands of any human being.

Listening to the new Taylor Swift at .25 speed trying to find Easter eggs like it’s a Marvel movie

My cat James is 15 years old today and I’m just so damn happy that he’s my cat and my friend. I love him so much.

I don’t like when ads for pants don’t use the plural form of pants. I am not, nor will I ever be, interested in your “pant”.

There have only ever been three truly good “reality” TV shows:

Lego Masters Australia
Treehouse Masters
Nathan for You

Man, you watch the music video for Shimmer by Fuel 16 or 17 times in a row and YouTube just starts thinking all you want to watch are Fuel videos

I love being priced out of every hobby that brings me joyand missing out on seeing one of my favorite bands because they’re from another country. America rules.

🎵 life is like a hurricane /
here in duckburg /
flat beaks, quackers, budget cranes /
those are duck slurs 🎶

I’m sorry to report that Shelob has died.

Fan favorite Lord of the Rings character Shelob just made a surprise cameo in my basement.

My wife is watching ER and this episode has a baby crying the whole time and I’ve never rooted harder for a disease in my life.

Pretty cool that cat food prices finally came down from the pandemic surge just in time for tariffs to jack them up even higher than they were before.

Ever just open the compass app and be like “hm, so that’s the direction I’m facing.”

How many waves of ska do we really need?

One thousand and five hundred dollarydoos

Ah yes, I love the classic full day of anxiety while my car is in the shop because I don’t know how much it will cost to fix it.

So this is like manipulating the market for insider trading purposes, right? Not that anyone is going to do anything about it, but like that is very obviously what this is, right?

Dear every business in the world: Everyone’s lives will be better if you just get better phones. Ya’ll sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher.

a blue car with the doors open is surrounded by smoke ALT: a blue car with the doors open is surrounded by smoke

Rolling up to play a gig at the sober venue

Love this time of year when I can eat as many Reese’s eggs as I want and then get a tummy ache

I love The Brave Little Toaster. It’s like Homeward Bound, but with appliances.

It’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” now get it right or pay the price!

Cool so what happens if GOP attach a national abortion ban to a CR? You'll vote for that too?

🚮

When I think of Tarzan, a sort of naked orphaned jungle man raised by apes in the mud and darkness away from society, what comes to mind is of course the smooth soft rock and roll of Phil Collins

@schumer.senate.gov you traitorous piece of human garbage. You should be ashamed. I hope you never hold office in this country again.

you've been hit by
you've been struck by
a huge vehicle

A navy blue Boston Redsox hat that’s been so poorly designed that it has a large B covering the S and T in Boston so it says BOBON.

I wub the Bobon Websox

I have such a strong passion for poorly designed sports headwear, and these are all timers.