Jet Puff

I heard not to worry about the realities of getting something made and just have as much fun as you can. So I did.

Also that if you're doing a spec script the weirder the better. And I didn't even mention the weirdo alien poorly disguised as a human who becomes their unlikely ally.

I wrote a reverse-Alien script about loneliness, with 50 foot blue aliens. Friends get abducted, kill the aliens, then get stuck in space until an alien rescue team arrives (and it switches to their perspective). It only uses music from Ariana Grande's Thank U, Next.

I really love it. #scriptsky

Call me Mr. Poppers, cause when I hit that pen, g? That’s a win.

I hate whoever came up with saying something was not on their bingo card. I’m going to track them down and then complain at them.

In my dream I was trying to screenshot a tik tok.

I think my brain has seen too much and needs to retire on a farm.

In a age where everyone has high quality cameras in their pockets, it’s impressive that they photobooths have found a way to make taking pictures expensive

All films are silent films if your TV’s broken

Need advice from a film bro, can I watch Jeanne Dielman on 2X speed?

Cause if I can’t for that one I do not know why Criterion Channel added the feature in the first place.

Most men never get full of embalming fluid until their funeral

“Why was JigSaw dummy thicc” first thing said in the car after Saw the Musical

Give it up on bass guitar, Dogwater! And on lead guitar, Donkey Flip! And on drums, the madman himself, Dougie Burgers.

Everyone treated it like a big joke, but I’d be so scared if I was on a plane and there was multiple snakes crawling around

Had a dream Fred Flinstone got canceled and they were using the hashtag #YabbaDabbaDoBetter

I’m cold and stoned, somebody cream in me

Girl Put Your Records On voice: Boy turn that Clairo off

They should make cigarettes for babies

I wrote a horror movie about loneliness and aliens.

Now how the hell do I get in touch with Ariana Grande? She’s the only one who can play this alien.

Had a dream I met Seth Rogen and pitched him the movies I’ve written. He owned a pizza place? They were all horror movies so not really his thing, but he was nice and polite for listening anyway.

If I find out this was a subconscious ad for The Studio I’m gonna be so pissed.

I wish the music at the club was as loud as it is in a movie when they’re at the club and having a full conversation

I’ve been imagining every person I pass by on the street looking in the mirror thinking “wow, I look great”.

Everybody puts on a little outfit they picked out every morning. They get to be that person again and are trying their best*.

*except the people with rotted brains who can no longer feel

Everyone at any concert: This musician will see me in the crowd tonight and want to have sex with me. But only if I’ve completely shaved my entire body. Little do they know…

Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

Getting my ass buried in the Bass Pro pyramid

Celebrities should do a “opening shot” at NBA games like a first pitch. From wherever too, layup or three or a halfcourt shot, who cares.

Ayo Edebiri for Boston, Ben Stiller for the Knicks, Jack Nicholson for the Lakers, quick!

And my hot take: it should count. Put the pressure on baby!

If I meet a new friend? That’s an extra like on my Instagram post.

That’s a W. I’m up to 17.

Few thousand more friends and I’m basically an influencer. Then I will claim I never knew any of them.

But I did. I met them one by one and crafted a friendship. I put in the hours. Friendship hours.

My wife is really stressed about the tariffs “as an empath”

Just started Severance I know I know. And I know the answer is cause it’s a cool shot. But why do they put them on top of the table like that? Could just pop em in a chair and be normal.

We’re gonna find out that microwaves should not like be in the home. Like that’s gonna be what did it for all of us.

Me as a 70’s rockstar: Only the blue ones! I only eat the matte blue Scooby doo gummy! Get the rest of that shit out of here!!!

You do not have 20 interesting pics to post. 10 was pushing it. Kids need to learn the powerful art of editing.