“Arrhythmia”? You lost me.

End of civilization because Hegseth wants to hit a +800 bet smh

Fuck MSM! Vote Julianna.

While sexual predators walk free. Great criminal justice system ya got there.

Every American needs to watch this:

Republicans about to be like “you gotta separate the politics from the politician”

He looks a lot like my friend Ethan but I don’t think you know him.

These people aren’t going to protect you. They’re in on it.

(Dude suddenly stops pushing his broom across the floor of the Death Star)

Does this look like a big laser to anyone else

Abolish SCOTUS

If I tell you “we should get pizza” as we leave the bar, it’s a great idea. If I say “we should get pizza” as you’re being chased by a bear then it’s not the right time.

Context, brother. Mamdani was running for mayor of NYC. Schumer is the leader of the opposition party while the administration is carrying out an ethnic cleansing campaign.

They reviewed it. They just got it right the first time. Didn’t take long to confirm.

Reviewed it. Confirmed it. Quickly, at that.

Wait, yall been doing tariffs all along?

…all of em?

Destroyer is good for talkie vocals

The tragic death of Renee Nicole Good, a 37-year old mother fatally shot by ICE, shows that ICE can’t be reformed and must be abolished.

I’ll be introducing the Abolish ICE Act as a step toward justice, accountability, and humanity in our immigration policy.

Time to melt ICE.

the reason people sometimes act madder at democrats than republicans when republicans do impossibly evil shit is the same reason why, if you hired an exterminator to handle a roach infestation and he showed up to feed and play with them instead, your first instinct wouldn’t be to yell at the roaches

But not while the measles-havers are there, ofc

Hey don’t judge me but I kinda want to go to the Noah’s Ark-themed creationist museum.

Tomato and sour cream if you’re at Taco Bell

The magic balls cost extra

Reading the redacted Epstein files is going to be like listening to a censored DMX song.

If only Dick Cheney knew you could just come out and say you were going to war for oil. We could have saved those 3,000 lives in 2001. Or maybe he still would’ve done it just because he was a sick fuck.

How to fix soccer:

1. The field is too big, shrink it.

2. Too many players on the field. Limit it to two.

3. Paint the field in a black-and-white grid.

4. The ball is replaced by pure positional advantage.

5. Pawns everywhere.

Jimmy Buffet is in the Epstein files, but I think he just really likes islands 🤷‍♂️