It’s hard to make chicken unappealing but job well done

I have to Google “short shower pipe.”

I’m not looking forward to the results.

When you’re at the Sears’ portrait studio and the edible kicks in

“Snap it up, kids. Those arteries got a long way to go.”

I face an existential crisis:

microwaved jalapeño poppers at 8:47 or no?

Next week, the Republicans will hold their “No Kinks” rallies

Anime fan, one would hope

Working on Sunday is tolerable when you have cheese in a can

Reasons for drinking in the United States:

1) Depression
2) Stress
3) Changing your wiper blades

The Royal couple, the President, and the First Lampshade

Such a great album

McMourning

And sit through commercials

Long walk but well done

Yikes! And away!

I confess.

I have no idea what “Low Spark of High-Heeled Boys” means

I got one savvy motherfucking mosquito in my house.

Love that laundry load you don’t have to fold.

Towels and fucking socks.

Man! I’ve heard “Wolf” plenty

A worthy aspiration

The houseflies have arrived.

Either the summer conditions are perfect or my personal hygiene has taken a dip.

Any shoes that require me to sit down to put on are a no-go.

The smell of bronzer and old Depends

Fuck it. We’re celebrating ham.

We all been there

Like an extinguisher

“Only in case of emergency, break glass.”

I ditched all my lightning cables…then my Apple TV remote was like “good luck, asshole.”

I had to buy one.

I succumbed and bought my cat soup. More of a bisque actually.

(I need to get out more)

Somehow I joined a Facebook group titled “Grandma’s Old Recipes.”

I fucking quit.

Me: “I don’t need this lightning cord.”

Apple TV remote: “Good luck, asshole.”