Ian King

The Occasional Spurs: The Likelihood of Going Down is Considerably Greater Than 1 in 20 It's not that I'm some sort of Tottenham soothsayer, it's more that this outcome has been telegraphed since the end of last season.

Got a bit riled up about them Spurs earlier today, lads.

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-occasi...

I'd say that they're closer to the reality of it.

The Occasional Spurs: The Likelihood of Going Down is Considerably Greater Than 1 in 20 It's not that I'm some sort of Tottenham soothsayer, it's more that this outcome has been telegraphed since the end of last season.

This morning on UD, time to let rip on the absolute shambles that Spurs have been for a longer amount of time than they ever needed to be.

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-occasi...

I've got 17 Giles cartoon books. I need to start looking up how much they are, because that's a hobby I could get into.

I know I'm going to have to do this trip now, and I hate myself a bit for that

"And no, I’m not about to become a Scientologist. Well, not unless they manage to persuade me when I go there, at least. Who knows, though… if I do, maybe I could arrange for L Ron’s ghost - I assume this is how it works - to have a word with someone about the goddam state of Tottenham Hotspur. They could certainly do with some divine intervention at the moment."

There's a thousand words for all on this weekend's soccer going on here, plus another 1,500 for paying subscribers which conclude with this.

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-feedba...

Images of an old silver 1999 Toyota Corolla for sale

You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999 Toyota Corolla. Let's talk about features. Bluetooth: nope Sunroof: nope Fancy wheels: nope Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn. Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End. You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up. This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children. Things this car is old enough to do: Vote: yes

Consent to sex: yes Rent a car: it IS a car This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would. Interesting facts: This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey. In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey. Favorite food: spaghetti Favorite tv show: Alf Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-

When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla, It's fine." Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla. Google map of cars location

Never forget: 8 years ago a random person on Craigslist wrote the most effective ad for the Toyota Corolla, ever.

I definitely have an article about me about how all non league fan bases are the same these days

A yellow and green flag with "FLAG" printed across it, in front of a green wheelie bin.

You're getting something printed on a flag? This is the acceptable way of doing it.

As an aside, if football fans could stop getting flags with "Loyally we follow", "Proudly we serve", or other variations of this peculiar sentence structure printed on them, I'd be grateful. I don't know why it annoys the hell out of me, but it does.

The Weekend Match: Horsham 1-2 Southend United - Wrong Coat Saturday With a packed ground and a club just a couple of rounds from their first ever Wembley trip, rumours of the death of the FA Trophy may have been slightly over-exaggerated.

Morning loves. There'll be a full weekend review up on UD this evening. In the meantime, I was off to Horsham for some hot FA Trophy action vs Southend last weekend, where my small contribution to the day was having the muddiest boots in the ground.

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...

Support Sam Whyte Support Sam Whyte

Just in case anyone would like to shout me the price of a birthday beer.

No one who's tipped me recently, please. Within two weeks is still in the birthday window.

ko-fi.com/samanthawhyte

The Weekend Match: Horsham 1-2 Southend United - Wrong Coat Saturday With a packed ground and a club just a couple of rounds from their first ever Wembley trip, rumours of the death of the FA Trophy may have been slightly over-exaggerated.

Your weekend match is here. Horsham vs Southend United in the quarter-finals of the FA Trophy. Nearly but not quite, for the home team.

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...

It's fine, I made it, only with muddier boots than I was expecting

Yellow triangular sign with an angry looking bull Below it reads "Bull in field"

This'll be fine, sure, of course it'll be fine. I'm sure it'll be fine.

One day historians will reflect on how Premier League clubs were given every financial advantage that a football club could have yet still managed to end up hundreds of millions of pounds in debt.

Tuesday, June 16 • Group G: Iran vs New Zealand, kick-off 2am - Los Angeles, USA

I’m sure everything will be sorted out by then.

YouTube video by Just Leeds - steakandsid British Football's Terrace Wars - Chip Van Riot at Odsal Stadium- Leeds United Casuals 20/09/1986

I need to write about this one day, one of the absolute worst

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It is, you're right, let me change that. Having an early morning moment there.

Match of the Past: 31st January 1987 - Baby, It's Cold Outside It's FA Cup 4th Round day in 1987, and the BBC have highlights from three matches played on a very cold afternoon indeed.

These are usually for paying subs only, but at the end of each month they're free for all. Time to go back to the end of January 1987's FA Cup 4th Round, where it's cold, unless you happen to be from Coventry (or to a lesser extent Wimbledon/Everton).

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/match-of-t...

My inclination is to feel that expecting coherence from them is chasing up a blind alley.

Last one. I don't like posting about politics. But one message from a constituency with a large Muslim populace electing a woman plumber from a party with a gay jewish leader *might* be that everyone is sick of the attempts to divide us. Just a thought.

It's a pretty damning indictment of the state of politics in this country that so many people who just aren't very good at politics have ended up being the Prime Minister

WHAT IF PEOPLE MIGHT WANT TO TRY A LEFT WING GOVERNMENT AFTER HAVING BEEN LET DOWN BY SUCCESSIVE RIGHT WING ONES FOR ALMOST 50 YEARS, MISTER KEITH?

Colour me shocked to the core to find that they've learnt the principle sum of fuck-all from this

Ooooh, enjoy them! It took about 20 minutes for me to stop thinking I was living inside a fisheye camera lens, but since then, gamechanger.

The least believable part of this is the possibility that he might not be a virgin.

"THIS ISN'T THE MANCHESTER I KNOW"

This tweet is the reason why I'm unable to think of Trevor Francis in any other way than wearing a party hat