Just Mike

Else! I've missed you

The other day, my doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating. I asked how long? He said at least until he was done with my prostate exam.

A dragon won't explode, but a dino might.

And the math for 7 million people at $200 each is $1.4 billion.

I'm going to stick with the No Kings stance and not watch any LA Kings hockey games this year.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

A Jack Russell terrier with a brown head and white leg sticking out from under a blanket

This one is Jovie

That is Luther

My big black dog laying with me on the couch, using my leg for a pillow

First... someone doesn't know how to do math. That is almost $2 billion....

Congrats to you! And yes, very crazy

A cartoon of a man caving a round hole into a pumpkin. It says, "If you only carve one hole in it, it's an Ejaculantern."

I haven't made one of these in a few years

No guarantees

It's a little surreal around here right now. In the past 2 months, both of my kids have gotten engaged. My son proposed to his fiance this weekend. I'm happy for them, but I guess i can't pretend I'm young anymore.

Oh no! I'm so sorry

Don't encourage him. 🤣

Hugs

A pink balloon in the shape of Mickey Mouse's head, but one of the ears is deflated, making it look like a nipple

I should call her

Me at a baseball stadium holding a pumpkin

No kings. Only pumpkins. Doing Gourdy's Pumpkin Run this morning... but I'm walking

🤣🤣

But what if I need Dick now?

Only if it is a federal crime

You get Bob out of Robert and Bill out of William, but do you know how you get Dick out of Richard? You just have to ask him.

As we get closer to Halloween, remember: no stoner likes your kid enough to give them their edibles.

Yeah!

I'm sorry

I've seen mine

Don't face your fears. Fear your face.

Down to the wire!

It's a no win

"BEWARE: As Halloween gets closer, parents need to make sure to LOOK at your child's candy. Some people are giving out what looks like normal candy, but it turns out to be Katl Marx's classic critique of capitalism "Das Kapital" in the original German." It's a picture of a bunch of candy with a copy of th3 book mixed in.

Please be careful