maimonides nutz

Two things this has taught me about weaponized incompetence is that

1. They always know exactly what they’re doing
2. It’s honestly embarrassing? Like I’m so embarrassed for anyone who goes through life like that. It’s really pathetic.

After being a Problem™️ at work for months on end, I finally got confirmation that C would no longer be working in my department. The relief of this moment was quickly replaced by….something else, when someone told me that he had said he was “bummed he didn’t get to fuck around all day” any more

Yes. I went to his page and I can confirm that this is 100% the same guy

If my mom didn’t remember this as well, I’m pretty sure I’d thought I made it up

Unfortunately “Jews who don’t support Israel don’t know the meaning of their religion but it’s ok to take out one of the prayers that so many people find meaningful in favor of a whiny song about a codependent relationship” is not too ridiculous for this timeline

Ok I’m prettyyy sure that this guy was the shortest lived “musical director” at my childhood synagogue circa 2020 and if so then he was the one who substituted the Mi Shebeirach with “Fix You” by Coldplay….so I wouldn’t put too much stock in anything he says 🥴

Rav’s wife would constantly aggravate him. When he would say to her: Prepare me lentils, she would prepare him peas; if he asked her for peas, she would prepare him lentils. - Yevamot 63a

Observing International Women’s day by honoring my ancestors, particularly Rav’s wife who would prepare him lentils when he asked for peas and peas when he asked for lentils 🫡

If by “letting him grow” you mean “training him for two days and then leaving it to me to get him up to speed at the sake of my health” then no, a walking vet bill is not worth it.

I don’t give a flying f*ck about your French Bulldog, I want to know if you encounter a task that’s unpleasant by doing it or by leaving it for someone else??

Not promising to me, who has reported significant burnout since the last new hire came on, to hear that my coworkers are excited that they’re bringing this guy in for an interview when his only qualification is that he has a cute dog who comes into the store with him sometimes 😭

I had a friend who is a half-Iranian (and very connected to this side) born again Evangelical Christian and while I understand why he’d decide there’s not room in his life for a very Jewish female friend, I am also bummed because I really want to hear his takes on what’s going on right now

Ok but that would actually be really cool 😂

It’s definitely their father issues, obviously

*I'm actually 53 but have a lower age here for increased visibility & an attempt to avoid age bias. I encourage you to set aside your perceptions of what "53" means & make your assessments of me based on how you experience me & not an arbitrary number c*

Imagine admitting to lying to someone and thinking you’re the victim 🙄 YOU CANNOT MAKE THESE THINGS UP!!

Evangelical Podcaster Bro: liberals always misinterpret the line “swords into plowshares,” clearly the real meaning is to remind men to be careful when sheathing their sword so that they don’t cut their dick off. This line also makes it clear that women shouldn’t have credit cards. I am very smart

Do not remember what it feels like to be not-lump. No hope for future

Update: I am still lump

I wish I could 🙁 It’s never been said explicitly but I think it’s only official if you call in

The hardest part about calling out from work is that by the time I have decided I am not in shape to go to work, I am also not in shape to leave a formal voicemail.

What’s the more appropriate way to say “heyyyy boss, I’m gonna sit this one out!”

If I wanted this kind of silent drama I’d go talk to my mom’s family sheesh

My printer and computer are feuding all of a sudden. My computer is like “I don’t know her” and my printer is like “I ran a diagnostic test and everything is great 😊”

Omg tell me why I just had to look up the time of an event that was happening at MY house??

This one fellow right outside my kitchen window has come to serve as a constant symbol of my mortality. It reminds me that I’m one careless reach into a cupboard from certain death

I’ve come to feel really bad when I kill a spider so I just refuse to, but I’ve got to admit that some of them are so big that they really test my adherence to pacifism

me: I can’t do it today. don’t want to do it. how can I possibly do it???
person: do what exactly?
me: ???????

Annnd it’s time to log out for the day 👍

6:39 may be a new record

I’ll be walking any given neighborhood and suddenly the smell just hits me. It lights up my nose. For one second, the world seemed renewed

Everything is grim but it is nice that all the jasmine in town seemed to say “March 1st…hmm? 👀”

I will check it out!!

I would have even preferred a simple “I’m sorry that sucks 🙁” then having to do be polite when turning down the picture. Anyways I brutally mocked him instead.

And this is beautiful soup!! I hope you enjoy!! 😊