Comedy Boy Ronny Pascale

It always is.

I'm dying to know if Rosemary Returns.

Judging by the Epstein Files, a lot of politicians run for office simply so they can take pictures kissing babies.

The host at my last show said all of this on his own, I swear.

This year for Lent, I’m giving up

I’m deleting emails as old as 7 years old. I’m tempted to respond to one and say “sorry just seeing this..”

It's a shame that it took humanity 100 years to invent tagless tee shirts.

My day is a success anytime I get home before my phone is dead.

a cartoon character in a tuxedo is holding a pie in front of his face ALT: a cartoon character in a tuxedo is holding a pie in front of his face

I can't listen to classical music without imagining Bugs Bunny trying to trick Elmer Fudd.

I feel bad for robots.

Thirty years ago, we promised them they'd be flying cars.
Instead, today Los Angeles is full of little food delivery robots.

Imagine being promised the gift of flight... and ending up delivering burritos in the Valley.

I've been learning Russian the right way: watching porn with the captions on.

This sounds fun! I want it

The United States sorely needs an opposition party right now.

If all my background acting doesn’t make me famous, I dunno what will.

We haven’t taken our Christmas tree down yet. I’m too embarrassed to do it now. Same tree two years in a row. #Sustainability 🎄

My internet provider sent me a cease and desist. Apparently someone torrents RuPaul’s Drag Race on my WI-FI.
If they take me to court, I’ll legally have to lip sync for my life.

I'm tired of the news. Please just tell me who I'm suppose to be mad at today.

Movie pitch: Jury Seinfeld. It’s like 12 Angry Men but every man is Jerry Seinfeld.

It will be after my campaign.

Skinny jeans shouldn't come in sizes. They should come with age limits.

TV Show Pitch: Drunk Search History. It's like Drunk History but you have to explain what's in your search history, all of it.

Someone tried to insult me by calling me a "Hollywood elite". I was supposed to be upset but instead I gave an acceptance speech.

I'm just really good at talking.

Watching people trick-or-treat in costume around Hollywood makes me realize non-Angelenos think this is just a regular Friday here.

Someone tried to insult me by calling me a "Hollywood elite". I was supposed to be upset but instead I gave an acceptance speech.

I've been learning Russian the right way: watching porn with the captions on.

Anyone else been using Sora to make videos of them playing catch with their father?

Why does the security at Ross Dress for Less have a body cam? What kinda shit is going down that they will give their life to protect these discounted blouses?

The best part of being a 40 year old college student is I can blame any weight gain on the Freshman 15.