Chloe

Saying buh-bye is 100x more sane than full ass pronouncing bye-bye

Even with all the light pollution, I can still count 21 stars in the sky waiting at the bus stop in South Philly

I've had enough ppl compliment my cheekbones to know I have no fucking clue how cheekbones work

Lately I've had these moments, and by moments I often mean nightmares, where I feel like it's only a matter of time before I'm a fugitive of the law. And I feel so ill prepared for that.

One of my favs of theirs 💜

I realize this is probably my hottest take ever, but the fact that I just got to switch my Netflix profile picture to a fiber art Bulbasaur kinda makes the price increase worth it. #isaidwhatisaid

HIIII ALICIAAAA ☺️☺️

Um ur mom's a banger soooo...

If I can get through that year where everyone was obsessed with Africa by Toto again for some goddamn reason, then you can get through this queen

I can't believe I just wasted my 69th post on this

Ummmmmmmmm

Nvmnd

Was recently described as "a doll with a fat ass and a warm smile" and idk fam I think we've made it.

Like, do any other goals really matter?

I'll be ascending any day now I'm sure. Make your farewells heartfelt but brief, I've got lots of basking to do

I haven't had every flavor of uncrustable yet, but I have had every temperature, which is just as fulfilling actually

It's day 5 of surgery recovery and in that time I have missed celebrating the birds winning the Superbowl, my 1yr anniversary, and playing in the snow. If you have anything else cool going on can you please just wait a couple of weeks!?!?

I can't think about Norma Jean being considered dad rock please don't do this to me

Remember when conspiracy theories were just for fun?

Someday all these posts will be compiled into a bad stand-up routine and you'll feel really special for reading them early

I speak for fellow owl enthusiasts everywhere when I say how disappointed we were to discover that their supposed city turned out to be some white guy named Adam singing about winged creatures that aren't even owls.

Giiiiirl you coulda just texted me and asked!

god this sounds like some shit I'd do

Surgery in two days and I really just have one question:

How much money do you think I need to slip the nurse to get them to let my anesthesia run for a little longer than necessary so I can get a full 8 hours?

Like, is it insulting to start with $20?

Cheetah print and hoop earrings are the peanut butter and jelly of New Jersey

If it's been 3 or more weeks since you last told me you're not mad at me, it's time to pay your anxious attachment friendship tax.

My gf of nearly a year just said I make her heart soar.

As in flying high and feeling free. 🥹

Damn I love being gay

Also, this is a dramatic poem about me not waiting long enough for my nail polish to dry before going to bed and I feel like that was missed

Why does everyone say they're donating their body to science when I know that wasn't y'all's fav subject in school.

I've decided I'm donating my body to marching band

Her fingernails will forever be scarred by the textured patterns of her pillowcase becoming indented upon the nearly-dry-enough clear coat polish

She awakens in anguish

We interrupt this week of pure dystopian bleakness to say 🦅GO BIRDS🦅

I think I can see my sleeping bag! Which was awkwardly named Torrey

I've obviously been cursed by an ex because every time I'm on a cute date and wanna smooch, my lips can't not be dry and crusty, but if alone in bed at 2am they are the softest and smoothest they have ever been.