𝔠𝔯𝔬𝔴 🗡️

WOW IT SURE TOOK YOU A WHILE TO NOTICE HUH, GAYBOY

currently ascending to levels of joy and homosexuality previously unknown to man! (bf is drunk and being so dogboy about wanting to spend time with me)

like congrats! you solved the problem!! which shouldn't have been a problem in the first place, so yay can you offer what i need now? thanks?? i kinda wanna get my life on track and not be two tiny hops away from being completely destitute 🫠

the briefest hint of vindication... having an advisor say "yeah we kinda fucked up everything for online students, so we're hopefully gonna be actually offering courses you need to graduate because some students who've been enrolled since 2020 still haven't graduated" is . a lot! lmao

(posts a massive long thread about a singular oc) hmmm maybe i should do another 🫶

luvenn normally when people don't understand him: good. keep it that way

luvenn when riel expresses difficulty reading him compared to others: should i go into detail for you about what i experience? do you want a detailed explanation of anything? all you have to do is ask 🖤💙🫶

that and i cannot stress how much i adore riel being SO smart that it reaffirms luvenn's aspirations to improve himself even further (he can already keep up impeccably well with riel, but still) . me and the genius rich dandy i pulled by being autistic <3

local mage's self-loathing singlehandedly decreased 80% by a very gay frail cane using neurotic cleanliness obsessed victorian-looking merchant guild leader.... who is also a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to stressing over his bf's health while also working himself to death

that and my g-d. luvenn was BORN to be courted. i think i put so much focus on riel being shown devotion and love, but i think my own oc should be tenderly thought of in very gay, fond affectionate ways
(i am kicking my legs and smiling and giggling at this thought)

riel being so understanding & dedicated to respecting luvenn's sense of self, while drawing out how long it is until they officially get together actually helps him tons? luvenn will be in a MUCH healthier place mentally by the time they do, which is what they both need tbh!

so 🫡 luvenn's self-hate makes him internalize that this was all his fault, if only he was better - more useful - he could have helped his ex and not lost him to the horrific paranoia his ex experienced

(he couldn’t have, but he thinks he might have been able to! still his sense won out in the end)

which in turn is from how his previous relationship ended! his ex's paranoia growing wrt luvenn's enchanting. luvenn was forced to use it on his ex to save their lives. things got so bad that luvenn had to tear himself away from a man he loved a lot bc it'd be worse to be together than go

despite luvenn feeling confident enough in their mutual attraction to flirt openly, thinking riel is incredibly handsome & knowing that he's attractive too?

its that harrowing inner voice telling him: "if i ruins this or rush him or make him hate me, i would never ever forgive myself"

i try not to write my ocs as too tropey bc it flattens my process for getting to know them, but literally luvenn is THE MOST 'submissive in a guard dog kind of way' oc that i have EEEVER written. he is so whipped for this man the only thing making their courting process take as long as it is is bc-

luvenn he doesn't have the circle mage or the tutoring backgrounds, so he stole to survive. and now that he's gotten a taste of finery and luxury he will be enjoying it thank you very much!! who is he to refuse the things the man he admires so much offers him? an idiot?????

also unlike xavi'ir, looping back to the hypocrite part- luvenn would MORE than happily avail himself to all the things riel's wealth can provide him (so long as riel is the one to decide so! he's a good dog and he doesn't act out of term or behaving in unbecoming ways anymore)

mildly nsfw and completely tangential if related: but luvenn is a sub top and would literally explode into a thousand little fleshy pieces if put on a leash in the most positive way ever <3

🥰 i think they're the cutest bc luvenn is just this mega autistic, super handsome, long-haired mess of a person that underneath all his posturing truly wants to cherish someone who likewise sees him as worthy of affection and praise? give luvenn direction and a purpose?

praising him for his intelligence (even if its from stolen scraps & not an education from a fancy institution like riel received) and its like; oh wow, the man who idolizes the idea of being useful to others has met a snappy, sharp and cunning gay guild leader to adulate! how homoerotic of you!!

tool/person: the most charming, the most capable, while also balancing his inner shyness and reluctance to be in the spotlight and run away! a legendary actor who hates the stage even....

and then he meets riel who matches his shrewdness, who doesn't look down on him, values luvenn's skills while-

luvenn SHOULD bc of his experiences be more helpful to others who went through having nothing (& he's not heartless, just a hypocrite), but instead he's so focused on clawing his way up into respectability and refinement and security to see a lot. he has to forge himself into being the most useful-

shell.. that his only worth in life come from the talents he was forced to cultivate (a shrewd nature, his looks, mind magics, efficiency), while clawing desperately for everything he couldn’t have because he was a 13 y.o who (to his understanding) killed his entire community !!

people with his magic (enchanting). he knows how dangerous it is - but still experienced a traumatic situation with his now ex about these things. who viewed their relationship as nothing but a lie born of a puppetmaster pulling the strings. thus luvenn finds his way by reducing himself to a hollow-

i am about to type so many words, but shepherds brainrot has me think of my main mc SO MUCH - i adore luvenn having underlying self worth issues that also overlay themselves on top of an extreme hypocritical nature where he spent his entire teenage years surviving by stealing and manipulating-

At the risk of sounding mean, I think if you want FFXIV quests to be just go from A to B with zero engagement you should stop playing the game

my biggest problem being i have SO many things to say about so many things (of which 50% of them bring me active shame to confess to loving so much) that very few people would know what i'm talking about, like hello brain? at least let me stick to xiv !! everyone i know plays that!!!

rapidly shifting between hyperfixations as fast as i have been lately (about 3 different vns, several IFs, limbus, ffxiv, etc) has made my brain absolute MUSH please dear g-d HELP MEE

Graha Tia from FFXIV reading in the comfort of his home, and daydreaming about the Warrior of Light …when he should be studying.

Scholarly Distractions 📚🌿

#graha | #ffxivart | #ffxiv

He might be evil but he's always dripped out to the max and i respect him for that

tylers your runt