Spike Jones

I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. There are two types of guys in the world that wear that baseball caps backwards: Catchers and assholes.

The correct answer to “Do you want your martini shaken or stirred?” is “As much as I’d like to think I’m James Bond, I am not.”

I hope no one is playing the game where you take a shot every time you hear “like nobody’s ever seen before.”

Hey there, old friend!

Watching White House Down tonight. Appropriate?

Borrowing from the protests in Serbia. Seems applicable to the US....

Those little wine gift bags have got to be one of the most reused items on the planet.

He’s Jonze. Happens all the time. I even had someone send me a script! And thanks. Sorry to disappoint.

It depends on which one you’re seeking. The Director? That’s not me. I’m the other one.

If you have plenty of time to eat at the airport, but instead take your stinky food to go just to open it on the plane: you’re wrong.

Really who? Spike Jones? That’s me!

Airport bar. 8:27AM. Guy next to me is insistent on having a French 75. Bartender has no clue. What did he expect?

Shrinking is one of the best shows of all time. Fight me.

Just deleted my (almost) 15-year old Twitter account. That felt great. Happy to be here!