Bleh

wake up, have a song in my head about the character I hyperfix on, feeling very anxious. I'm afraid to be left alone so I keep people at bay I think... Aaaaaa time to take a xanax now I guess. I need to draw so badly but it's painful.

but ye I feel like loosing y time doing this and I wanna draw. But i'm stuck. lets's hope i can unstuck myself soon. my eyes are xlosing so i'm going to sleep. take care.

I don't wanna go 2 sleep. I wanna keep day dreaming. I've been in intense day dreaming and rp those last few days to the point that it felt like an addiction. My brain got lots of instant good feelings from it and i would forgive or ignore basic needs because of if

a girl with pink hair has a blue circle in her eyes ALT: a girl with pink hair has a blue circle in her eyes

someone get me out of this world, I wanna fall into dreams forever

-but I also kinda do

Wellp my psychiatrist raised my meds. from 10 to 15g and we'll maybe go to 20 if it doesn't get better. I'm so tired, I don't eat well, I wanna stop existing I hate everything that I do, any piece of art I absolutely hate it. I feel like I'm falling into 2022 again oh god. I don't wanna die but

I wanna try but I also very much wanna die

it's painful to be unable to get out of bed all day and do nothing. I'll try to draw at least a lil bit tonight

another day where I haven't done anything. I wanna draw but I feel so tired. aaaaa

a picture of a boy holding a basketball with the words no longer ballin above him ALT: a picture of a boy holding a basketball with the words no longer ballin above him

I wanna keep hiding in my bed

This is the kind of thing that I fear might happen when I start working. A sudden flow of anxiety that I don't understand and that might make me go into a crisis, in the middle of work. I wanna say that I'm a failure but I've been working on ruminative thinking and I can't let that take over me

I tried to work on a cosplay and my brain began to overwork on its own, starting to replay memories, not even bad ones... But I felt so much anxiety and I have no idea why. I had to take a lil xan to calm down and avoid a crisis, and now I'm in bed trying to rest and chill out.

[ Intro ]
______________________________
| [He | They] DemiBoy
| > Young adult -ADHD -
| Artist - SH recovering - Unemployed
|
| > Sonic - FGO - SKYcotl -
| VOCALOID - OSU! - YumeNikki
|
|> I mostly just yap like there's
| no tomorrow in here

[ #ventsky | #venttwt | #promo ]

I see "make weird art" a lot, and the long version of that (in my head) is "make what you actually want to make, because if you compromise for commercial success and public approval you could very well fail at that anyway, but if you make something you like, you'll always be proud of it."

I wanna be a cute boy without being misgendered but that's impossible. The view a lot of people have on gender suck ass and we all suffer from it.

I haven't done shit today, I was watching videos all day because I couldn't move and I was so tired (I also think that my blood pressure was kinda low). I tried to take a break from doing stuff on my phone but my brain got extremely loud and I began overanalyzing shits around me like crazy

Holly shit my dad opened a white wine bottle that was soooo good, I drank a bit of it after we opened it together... I wanna drink it again !!! I love getting drunk on the good stuff, let's just hope he forgets about it because I'm definitely gonna finish it tonight.

I found Kirby in the wild once.

I forgot I had this vent account, I began to use the one I hand on the bird app but I HATE it so I went here and OH realise that I also have a vent account here yayy

Hiiiiiiii

nobody cares

I wanna drink too, but drinking makes my belly hurt. I don't like drinking, my belly is too sensible it's annoying

and that's when the death wish comes in. aaaaa I wanna drug myself so much. Like the whole package of xanax

because we are so comforted in our pain ? but is it really depression anymore ? I'm feeling better than before, but the anxiety is still thiving and it keeps me from keep going at a good rythm. it's so heavy. Like. man. I don't wanna give up but I don't want to keep going ? keeping the status quo

I don't understand why I thrive in keeping myself locked down. It's comforting ? probably. It's so comforting I want to keep it like this, But it's painfull, I find comfort in the uncomfort. why. why i'm so used to it i guess. this is why people never really escape long term depression ?

I'm back because stupid old me haven't been to the clinic and is keeping all the anxiety inside. I know I should let it out but I can't. I mean I can. But I don't. I wanna keep loosing myself in my hobbies or hyperfixation or whatever. I wanna forget myself in all of this

I WANNA DIE

I honestly hate myself, I do awful things, realise I do that, and don't change my behaviour. It's the worst thing that you can do and I hate it. I hate myself, I'm awful and I'm victimising myself I hate it I hate it so much

I WANNA SELF HARM SO BADLY GRRERRRR

I won't self arm, it's too stupid and I'm too stupid to do that, I will just die internaly and play video games until I colaps