♡

—so to brie in june: don’t worry. it’ll be okay. you’ll leave that town. that town doesn’t cage you in. you’re bigger than it. you’re so much bigger than you think you are. and you can do it; you did it. despite it all.

—what’s changed over the summer is that i realize, no really, that everyone has their own path. and i can’t compare mine with anyone else’s. see, i’m happy without a partner, without a job—because i did well in other aspects of my life. and this motivation is just what i need—

—am i still envious? i wouldn’t say so. i’m satisfied with my current social life and my goals. i like getting attention from guys, but i don’t feel a strong need to be in a relationship. like i’ve always said, i’m free. but now i can really say that i want to be free—

—i can finally take a deep breath and relax. and i am so relaxing. the next step is to get my bachelors and simultaneously look for a job. i’m so proud of my efforts this summer. i said i would study and that i did. i wouldn’t have passed my exam if i hadn’t given it my all—

—all that combined made me feel like a hopeless case. but now that summer is nearing its end i can say that i’ve had a lot of fun! i met a guy im interested in, i’ve hung out a lot with friends, i even wrote my exams and did well! now that everything’s behind me—

—i expressed envy that people have life partners. but my perspective, 2 months later, is that i do have belonging, in the form of my friends and family. in the beginning of the summer i felt very behind in life. couldn’t graduate on time, no job, no plans for summer, no lover lol—

i actually read some of my old threads on this account and i can’t believe i felt like that! and i wrote them only 2 months ago! i can’t believe it’s the same person. i should do a life update.

about what i said about “finding belonging in people”—

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.👑 . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

no, i really don’t think you’d known
what once was is forever gone
and i have reclaimed my throne
while you’re doomed to be alone

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.💍 . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

it’s funny because i don’t care anymore about anyone involved and i’m really thriving in life rn tbh

i used to love fall 🍂

it’s true. i dreaded summer. while listening to the self-proclaimed king of the fall i would save and reblog pictures of orange forests on tumblr. it wasn’t until i got a sweet taste of summer that i started dreading the arrival of fall, like now…

i’m talking online
and i have my boundariess thankfully i have pee gc who understand my feelings

im in general very skeptical of people who try to weasel themselves into my friend GROUP these are people i have known since i was a kid its just so odddd man im a very protective person and i feel easily put off

—with that being said, i gain happiness out of working on myself, focusing on positivity and peace, doing things i like. i hope and i believe pass my exams in august.

🦋

—no matter how small, any source of irritation will be eliminated, trust me. i am loved and appreciated by friends and family. if someone wishes negativity on me, i won’t even bother. just get lost. and anyone who makes me uncomfortable. just go away—

—ever since i switched brands (meds) i’ve felt more hopeful, happy, ambitious; there’s no underlying anxiety… but some days it attacks me.. but besides that, in my strive to be successful, i recognize that i must eliminate all negative factors in my life so i can be peaceful—

—but if it happens, it happens? i’m just saying that i’m just so focused on my own personal goals, my success, just myself basically. it’s the self-love that makes me keep going. i believe in myself… i’ll make it happen…—

—by examining my future goals it’s so obvious that in the near future i just wanna focus on myself. i wanna grab an iced matcha on my way to work, get salad for lunch, return home to go shopping, hang out with friends… there’s no room for a partner here—

—a guy can’t save me from myself; my inevitable fate. i have to pass my exams, and i find it hard to divide my time and energy between studying and getting to know someone else, i don’t know what i was thinking in june, that i had all the time in the world?—

—i like this solitude. i just have myself to worry about. it’s therapeutic. i don’t mind if i get left on opened, but it *should* bother me. it’s just that i don’t have the energy to pretend like i’m so invested. i’d rather focus on my current goals—

a person 's back is shown with a blue sky behind them ALT: a person 's back is shown with a blue sky behind them

a quick update and some thoughts

for the first half of the summer i was really into dating, but to this day i still don’t understand just why. maybe i just liked the attention. then i went away, and away again, and again, and now i’m too preoccupied with my studies to care—

thesis and now this assignment i’ve been struggling with for such a long time. i’m so close to my goal

i accomplished some things despite my mental health, it wouldn’t have been possible before, sertraline friends and family i thank you so much. world is so kind and hugs me

feel satisfied when i’ve accomplished something. and im still not satisfied. because i haven’t reached my ultimate goal yet, which is to attain my bachelors. but i promise and i know i will achieve it. it’s not over yet. I WILL GET THERE.

🩷

it was undeniably my own ambition and motivation to succeed that allowed me to ask for help from others. it was the energy i put into it that made it possible. nobody else would’ve finished it for me. so i should thank myself too. i have high expectations of myself so it’s hard to 5/

in my third year i had to prioritize thesis and now during the summer ive been working on the courses i have left. i got help from a friend. its thanks to him that i got so far and i owe him a beer fr. but, the other things i have to acknowledge — 4/

the reason i couldn’t finish the task before was because of my mental health and that i had so many other courses to prioritize. eventually i got help last year. i started opening up more to friends, and that’s when the first change came. 3/

what i learned throughout this journey is to seek help. sometimes u can’t make progress on ur own, especially if it’s an area u new to. i got help from different people. and although i owe the success of my project to them, there are some other things i must acknowledge. 2/

i did the unthinkable, although it took me some years… i finished the task, and the day came much sooner than i thought. it’s done. it’s finished. all that’s left is a seminar. and then, i can say, i’ve done and finished it. 1/

from an unwanted girl
to the most happy girl
but we share the same blood and, it was never in vain, God willing!

i will never give into my culture’s expectations of a woman. i am free, and i am now. i love being a woman. and i will walk with pride.