Babs McGabs

I do not like the fact that my FaceID doesn’t work when I’m tired…..

Due to the current state of my wallet, I am only accepting Christmas cards via CashApp. Happy Holidays.

The days leading up to my period have me sobbing over trying to catch a mouse in my kitchen bc I don’t want to hurt him bc he’s just doing mouse stuff and doesn’t understand the concepts of taxes and landownership. He doesn’t even know he has germs, he’s just cold and hungry and I’m a monster.

Accidentally FaceTimed a friend straight out of the shower and the END BUTTON WASN’T WORKING.

Honestly, who needs caffeine anymore? 🥲

Physically I’m fine.
Emotionally I feel like a toddler trying to carry a watermelon 🥲

Never leave the house without it ✨

My husband got this notification after making me laugh. This feels like a personal attack…

POV: my husband cannot seem to figure out how to enter the house without making a racket and setting off the dogs

Me: Hey, can we do something about this number? It seems excessive for a procedure that my insurance said they cover.

Hospital billing: Sure! Let me pull up your account.

Me: Thanks.

HB: Oh. It’s just $550 that’s not a lot.

Me: I revoke my thanks and do not like you anymore.

Fun fact: a full bladder can make you run faster.

Sometimes I’m the first one. Sometimes I’m the second one. Most of the time I’m the second one…

Hey Parker, you were great. I don’t remember doing this but the picture is in my phone. My math was wrong. I apologize for that. I’ll come back next weekend and set that straight.

Y’all I’m caught somewhere between radical acceptance and going postal.

Feeling good and feeling like I wanna share it 🥰

Me: *finally gets more than $100 in my savings account*

My car: 👀

POV: You’re my husband. You’ve just received a screenshot of a joke that made one of my friends laugh. You’re reminded yet again that I do not understand modern slang.

My FIL just referred to me as “that one lady who is really mean to me” and it feels like I’ve been promoted.

This world is full of traitors!! Snakes!!! DOGS WHO CHEW FRESHLY DEGREASED DEER BONES WHEN MY BACK IS TURNED 😭😭😭

Me: I want to start running again…

My brain: *full of PTSD* No. We need to conserve our energy for when we’re hunted for sport.

Me: *queuing up zombie sounds in my headphones* What was that?

My brain: ….

Me: Run, bitch.

Everyone shut up, someone I admire said I have a nuanced and sincere way of expressing myself and I have never felt so complimented before in my LIFE

What is this Panique Attaque you speak of? This is just my daily cardio 💕💕

Hello, hi, the rest of the world? We’ve seen this play before. Bill Wurtz put it best so let me borrow from his video: can the international community tackle hitler and explain to him why this is bad???

If you’re in a relationship with me, there will never be a dull moment.

This is a threat.

This kind of bs honestly makes me want to run for office 😂 we’re making laws now

Hi, whichever data broker sold my phone number in the last week, I hope you trip into a mud puddle that is actually dog poo.

If you’ve ever felt dumb, I want you to know that I - a 27 y/o woman - googled if sand was heavier than water today.

Doing arts and crafts with my children is an exercise in managing the inner voice my father gave me that is currently shouting that the blue sand DOES NOT GO ON THE TABLE 🫠🫠

I don’t mean to brag but…. I got a full eight hours last night 💅

Me: The sexual tension between me and a toaster bath is palpable.

Therapist: Stop calling it that.

Dropping the tea on Sunroom. Someone thought I was in a throuple with them. I was not and I’m not sure how that even became a thing.