Breakfast 🍩☕️🍑

All I want for my birthday is a slow news day.

C'mon world. I'm begging you to be boring on Thursday. Just 24 hours of not being a dick so I can enjoy my cake and free Starbucks in peace.

(Fall weather would be nice, too)

Yellow beer cheese dip on a crostini over the pot of cheese.

Forgot the picture. Beer cheese. Crostini. Delicious.

I made beer cheese dip (with Sam Adams Octoberfest) and crostini if anyone wants to come over for snacks.

Looks like it's time for my annual dance with tonsillitis, because my parents thought me having a routine surgery as a child was too much hassle.

This mindfuck needs more foreplay and more lube.

I guess you could celebrate spooky season by watching horror films. However, I'm choosing to go all in and terrify myself every day by checking the news.

(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay / Proud Mary

Straight No Chaser will make you smile.

My delightful sense of humor? 💁🏻‍♀️

a good neighbor smiles and nods when they see you. a great neighbor goes inside when you come out

*taps the sign*

Oh no. It seems you've accidentally spilled your political shit on my silly post. I know it's difficult to understand, but sometimes things don't need political commentary.

I don't hate attention whores, I'm just jealous when they're better at it than I am.

*drool*

That's an appropriate amount of butter.

Easily seduced by sourdough toast, but only with the proper amount of butter because I know my worth.

Fuck off, current events.

The lion does not concern himself with the new bottle of body wash sitting on the stairs. The lion forgets about it and uses shampoo instead.

Today's vibes are unpleasant.

Hey sweetcheeks, how about you come finish eating those powdered donuts in bed?

Put TV personalities in charge, get a TV show

we’re going to need a bigger dumpster for this fire

Good morning. But only to the people who think they don't sin

I finally looked up wtf a medbed is and now I’m a lil mad at y’all

Yeah , sometimes I do feel like a fraud.
Like right now for instance. I have no business doing open heart surgery.
Yet...here I am.

Getting ejected from the cinema for yelling "IGNORE THE SCRIPT GIVE ME A RECIPE FOR RED VELVET CAKE" at the AI actress in Avatar 4.

The meek no longer want the earth thanks.

I don’t trust people who “can’t complain.”

About that here, too.

I'm 100% the kind of terrible person who feels glee when old white men are mad at the NFL for their choice of Super Bowl halftime entertainment.

Wearing a tank top and shorts because it's too fucking hot to care about other people's opinions.