Breakfast 🍩☕️🍑

Snow tried to assassinate me this morning so let this post serve as proof of life.

If you were alone today, I hope you spoiled yourself rotten.

Happy Valentine's Day if that's your thing.

Happy Saturday if it isn't. ❤️❤️❤️

I wasn't meant for the people who it was never going to reach.

The theme of Superbowl LX is punts and butts.

Amazing how deep inside the hole he can get and still bounce it...

Thank you Mr Collinsworth.

I'm not mature enough for this.

So much food. I have a problem.

Uh... left over ham from New Year's Day that I shredded and froze, cherry cola seasoning, a stick of butter, and some brown sugar? You could probably just pour a can of cherry cola in there and let it reduce into a glaze, but I didn't have any.

I improvised.

Using my church lady powers for good 😂

I regularly fight with conservative Christians just by quoting Jesus. And they don't even realize it. It's so telling.

They love to pound the one verse in Leviticus to condemn gay people while completely ignoring the hundreds of times it's mentioned to care for the foreigner in your land 😑

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

"What you do not do for the least of these, you do not do for me."

They hate that one.

For the record, I'm a Christian. I read Bible stories with my grandmother as a child. Left the church when I felt unwelcome. Realized I'd been stuck in conservative churches that didn't preach grace. Did some soul searching and realized I'm team Jesus, not team church. So please don't dis it to me.

Screenshot of text saying: Any Christian who doesn't see that our President is doing everything in his power to honor & uplift God and protect and glorify the name of Christ is either not paying close attention or has been sucked in and deceived by an enemy that would like to see Christianity destroyed and followers of Christ silenced. By constantly maligning and criticizing him, you may think you're helping the cause of Christ but you are instead contributing to a cultural rot & decay that wants nothing to do with Godly values or Christian principles. You are aiding and abetting an enemy and don't even know it. Or do you?

I saw this in reply to a political cartoon. I'm just leaving it here to remind myself there are people who truly think like this and I'm not taking crazy pills.

They did get a white country artist to sing America The Beautiful! But she's a lesbian so...

Expert level trolling all around

Reminder for anyone who cares...

Green Day is opening the festivities tonight before the game.

Oh yes. Totally normal. Like every one else who gives JD Vance money.

For those who don't OD on political news...

Palantir is the tech company that provides the software ICE is using to track people. Started by Peter Thiel. Who is a primary donor for one JD Vance.

Get in, loser. We're gonna pick up some corn dogs and go flip off the Palantir billboard downtown.

To clarify, I don't mean dates with the locals. I mean dates with someone I actually like, to offend the locals together.

Seriously. I'm done with mine. It can retire.

Spending my evening with a pint of ice cream and mentally planning dates to offend the locals in my very red town in the reddest of red states.

Ideas welcome.

A cartoon drawing with the primordial ooze saying "No crawling out, everyone. It will only lead to heartache"

Can we start over

I bet you think this post is about you don’t you

(It is)

Saaaaaaaaame. Stupid organ.

I’m mad at my uterus and my uterus is mad at me

Damn boy, are you my life?

Because you’re messy af.

Life is messy. So is your butthole. Do something.