strange ranger

eating batteries to get my day started

One or two of you will need to gatekeep my lore when I'm inevitably rebooted.

them: he can’t do that it’s illegal
me: thx for clearing it up glad that’s all over with

los post at 69 i feel safest driving behind a subaru outback because i know i’ll never hit that

nobody touch this as this is the closest i’ll ever get

YouTube video by Traum Piano Chopin - "Minute Waltz" (Valse du petit chien)

Mondays always suck any way you slice them, no matter what’s happening, etc.
…so here’s a quick/cute, pick-me-up song/video to brighten it up a bit, and another one of my all-time favorites, too 🎹🙂🖤💕💙💚
youtu.be/cK20R-HNOs4?...

You’re welcome 😁☺️
…and I had never seen a blue bee in my life up until that point, so when I saw it that one and only time, I had my husband take the picture with his phone…this was the result. 💙🙂

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

give me what the hell do i want

See a bee, post a bee!

A blue-and-white bumblebee resting on a giant yellow-orangish sunflower, with a greenish center.

This is my actual profile banner picture, taken by @skeptyk.bsky.social. 🙂🌻🐝💙💛🧡

a bee hovers over yellow roses

abuzz amongst the buds

a deja vu but in reverse

🤣🤣🤣

Images of an old silver 1999 Toyota Corolla for sale

You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999 Toyota Corolla. Let's talk about features. Bluetooth: nope Sunroof: nope Fancy wheels: nope Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn. Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End. You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up. This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children. Things this car is old enough to do: Vote: yes

Consent to sex: yes Rent a car: it IS a car This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would. Interesting facts: This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey. In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey. Favorite food: spaghetti Favorite tv show: Alf Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-

When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla, It's fine." Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla. Google map of cars location

Never forget: 8 years ago a random person on Craigslist wrote the most effective ad for the Toyota Corolla, ever.

If you say "l have a mental illness" = too generic and people will judge you for it. But if you say "My bloodline is cursed to fight unseen demons" = sounds so heroic, so fairytale -esque that it's too weird for further discussion.

✨

starting the morning right with a nice scream of "fuuuuuuuuucck!!!"

Best picture this, best picture that, and it's a whole ass movie, not a dog pic.

Doesn't matter who wins. We're all doomed.

not now babe i’m filling the bathtub with wrasslin’ jello

My beautiful son wants to donate his hair to kids with cancer. I told him the next event for St Baldrick's is a car show at the police station. He was very serious when he asked me if I could just cut his hair because 'I don't trust cops'.

Who called it 3-in-1 body wash and not "lavage à trois"?

I live somewhere between playing my cards right & not playing with a full deck.

for my next trick i’m going to try to not be a dick

I have a fear of speed bumps but I’m slowly getting over it

a deja vu but in reverse

[at a spider wedding]

congratulations to the newlywebs

BREAKING: My mind

More to follow

I can’t text right now, my stove fan is on

To the people who have their shit together: the fuck?

during my next rap battle i’m going to compare them to the gross little strings you have to pull off of your banana