Megan Campbell

A missed connections column, but it's just dogs I couldn't pet cause we were both in different cars

Local municipalities should do a sexy commercial in the style of skincare commercials letting you know the best way to take care of your skin is literally just drinking water.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire, except it's just me getting out of bed and laying in my hammock

Facts: The Last Unicorn soundtrack is banger after banger. I don't make the rules, I just say them for the first time.

If you ever feel bad that I'm beating you at Mario kart, just remember that I'm probably drunk and listening to a book also. Do with that what you will.

I met this dog at work today and he's perfect and I love him
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#dog #dogsofbluesky #working #needlefelt

Had an entire pot of tea and an abuterol treatment. Y'all, I am Fucked Up right now. If you need me, I'll be the vague blur deep cleaning the floorboards.

The heart years, but the thighs jiggle ❤️ sorry last biscuit

HOT TAKE! Women are only obsessed with Crocs because it's the first time they've ever had a wide toe box and they're just experiencing being able to use their feet properly for the first time.
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#crocs #women #shoes #betterway

Imagine systematically assassinating a guy and then 200 years later you watch from the afterlife as someone writes an absolute banger about how good he was at sex
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#Rasputin #boney #imagine #disappointing

FARAMIR WAS MAH BOY! HE LOVED HIS BROTHER AND HIS BROTHER LOVED HIM!
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#LOTR

"Hey girl, I'm sure you're great, but my fiancee is actually literally the most beautiful woman in the world, beloved by all."
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#lotr

When watching Lord of the Rings I sometimes think "heck, that was pretty convenient" then I have to remind myself that God is very very real and active in the world and sends actual angels to make the story as it should be.
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#lotr #Gandalf #mayar #lordoftherings

Anyone else's brain short-circuit when they're even mildly uncomfortable? Like.. "Hey, sorry I messed up that order but in my defense my hair was just like, all up in my face."

We used to schedule them 3 at a time and only once did we actually have 2 people show up at rhe same time

One time my skin was really dry and I needed a scrub but I was broke and a little drunk... so I just used a homemade olive oil and sugar scrub. As I sat drunk and brisketlike in the tub it occurred to me that maybe the Witch in the candy house just had the wrong demographic..
#showerthoughts

Me, on the inside, smiling at rich people.
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#extrafabulouscomics #comics

Yo, I'm gonna stop telling people to have a 'safe and warm' holiday season.. I didn't know the weather was listening!
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#globalwarming #climatechange #80degrees #shortsweather #christmas

Arizona tea new flavor Frost ChillZicle

No bullshit, I read this as JizzCicle when I saw it out of the corner of my eye
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#arizonatea #newflavor

My step daughter is a nursing student and I was thinking about gifting her some nice compression socks but worried she might think they were lame... then her brother let me know they were on her wish list! I'm so excited to gift much-wanted socks this year!

"In fact, I would go so fat as to say a man's confidence can be measured in his willingness to believe someone is flirting with him intentionally."
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#flirting #confidence #MayITakeYourOrder #bar #book #writing #workinprogress #WIP

Mini Breakfast Chimis. Willing to trade idea credit, you just have to give me a few.

People seriously out there forgetting that you have to write a story that people want to see. You can't just give a stud muffin gold eyes and call it a day. Literally most of the movie I was sitting there thinking of how I personally could have written the intro better. It's like they don't try.

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens theonion.com/no-way-to-pr...

A little something for a private event in Scottsdale tonight!
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#peppermint #candycane #vodka #liqueur #strange #privateevent #specialevent #custom #azmade

"Ooh, I'm really going on a spending spree!" She mutters as she buys the $25 mattress protector that's been in her cart for a year...

Don't let your dreams be dreams! Lol

Yo, I never noticed there was a foosball table with a smaller Foosball table on top of it.
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#barbiemovie #barbie

😭😭 I DONT CONTROL THE FLOW OF COMMERCE 😭😭

I know everyone takes this journey at their own pace but... I've finally recovered enough from the election to re-watch the Barbie movie. Ryan Gosling is the Ken we all deserve.
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#hibarbie #barbiemovie #kenough #justbeach