Ann Arbor Pitchbot

Opinion | Raise the weather shields! #a2council

excerpt from a2view: While some think the Ann Arbor City Council behaves like the mayor’s lockstep fiefdom, a study claims it actually has the “highest dissent rate nationwide” among 142 cities and counties analyzed.

#a2council

My eleven-year-old was sitting in our living room when she asked me gravely, "daddy, why did Big Gretch let someone build a duplex five feet from our property line?" When I told her "because she believes in supply and demand," she started crying. #a2council

Opinion | The miniseries “Roots” chronicles the struggles of enslaved people to maintain their human dignity in the face of indescribable oppression. As an Ann Arbor Nextdoor lead who once got called a “boomer Karen,” I’ve never felt so seen.

by Chrissy Granitemelter #a2council

In this midwest college town, liberal townies don't know why the state would reduce minimum lot sizes and allow duplexes by right. But they do know this: if they see a new apartment in their neighborhood, they'll be voting for John James in November. #a2council

Opinion | I’m a lifelong Republican. But Mayor Taylor’s plan to legalize duplexes in my neighborhood has me asking, “did Mao Zedong have some good ideas?” #a2council

In this Northside diner, these landlords aren’t sure who abducted Nancy Guthrie. But they do know this: on the missing Lowertown PUD money, Chris Taylor is public enemy number one, and he’s still on the loose. #a2council

Roses are red
Violets are blue
It's been lovely
Spending Valentine's Day with you

#a2council

The bike lanes are empty
Ann Arbor hates cars
There's too much traffic
Driving home from bars

#a2council

There once was a real estate agent
Whose fees added up to big payments.
She learned R1 could be dead
so with bitterness said,
"But there was no public engagement!!!"

#a2council

I live in a mansion.
Upzoning is theft.
My vote for mayor?
The "Socialist" Yousef.

The election cements
Taylor's corrupt ploys
Time to send in
The bulldozer boys

#a2council

Our boy he was hungry but good
So he texted his love in the next hood
Love said, “Bike up to Maple
What you want’s on my table.
Come on over, I’ll give you this Ricewood.”

#a2council

A journalist living on Hiscock
Saw More Neighbors signs on his block
"Pause the Plan!" he did belch
To his friends here on Felch
"New apartments must be blocked!"

#a2council

There once was a normie Burns Parker
With a yard sign that said Black Lives Matter.
The Plan took the stage;
Burns Park shook with rage.
"But new neighbors' skins might be darker!"

#a2council

Wild nights - Wild nights!
Were I with thee
Wild nights should be
Our luxury!

Futile - the ZBA -
To a Heart by right -
Done with the PUD -
Done with the CLUP!

Biking in lanes -
Ah - the DDA!
Might I but ride - tonight -
In thee!

#a2council

Townies' got questions
About troublesome mergers
Why did the Libary
Buy the Observer?

#a2council

Blood streaks are red
Bike lanes are green
Was he wearing a helmet?
Or high-vis to be seen?

#a2council

Roses are blue
Violets are red
Misinformation
Continues to spread

#a2council

King of the Posters
In your head lives rent free
And all you can muster
Is FUCK YOU MARK LEE!

#a2council

I am the Lorax
I speak for the trees
So fuck all them kids
And their housing needs

#a2council

Chris Taylor's a Fascist
Trump isn't one though
I studied the Holocaust
At Yale, don't you know?

#a2council

Circles have one side
Decadomes have ten
Now the lot will host housing
Not grumpy old men

#a2council

We decided to shutter
Our 501(c)(3)
No more campaign law breaking
For the old LGC

#a2council

This is just to say
we have dissolved
the “nonprofit”
that we made
for the Commons

and which
we were definitely
using
for tax fraud

Forgive us
it was our lawyer
so sour
and so old

#a2council

There's no housing crisis
I got mine for free
From my mom and dad
Please vote for me

#a2council

Roses are red
Violents are blue
No apartments near me.
I got mine, fuck you!

#a2council

Roses are red
Planning meetings are ghastly
Pause saying “CLUP”
It sounds real nasty

#a2council

Democracy is dead
Council connives
CLUP is their own
Project 2025
#a2council

Ann Arbor is liberal
Our heart's good and sweet
But "those people" will ruin
The character of our street.

#a2council