IntellectualPikachu

i have hated these past two days so much i am losign mroe and more reasons to do literally anything, i feel like everyone is disconnecting from me and i just feel like rotting in a corner at this po int, every thing i look at it makes me sad due to connections with people or something else, idk

i dont know if my habit of only looking at bluesky once at the end of the day is good, because it leaves me just feeling bad if theres something that upsets me, today a lot of my feed is filled with things that make me feel left out, or some stuff that makes me feel off, but thats my fault i guess

I keep trying to force myself to get into a mindset to where i can start posting again, but i just cant, everytime i try, theres something i see that makes me just, back off again, i want to be active i want to feel involved, i just feel off seeing art of people that i dont feel comfortable with 😓

my follower count is just slowly going down as i post nothing, which is my fault i guess, but i genuinely dont feel as if i fit enough to even know what to post, bleh

sometimes its easier to pretend to be happy to not bother others
sometimes i just get quiet and shut down in a way

a lot of the time i do feel lonely, left out, or jealous, but i feel bad for feeling that way in the first place, because i feel bad for annoying or bothering other people with this

why am i such a weird person that doesn't fit in with anyone
i feel like everything everyone gets excited over i just sit in a corner and observe as i make myself feel left out, why is my brain like this, idk
just glad everyone can enjoy their things still atleast i suppose

I feel kind of bad and reluctant to post about anything but it just feels a bit overwhelming for me but

i feel weird that im like the only person i see that kind of doesn't like mega raichu much really?? the original just feels better and everything

its just filling my feed entirely 😭

Usually positive things would be a good thing and all but for some reason being extra sensitive is making certain types of positive things make me feel like im not contributing to it enough or feeling left out or something in a way so its having the opposite effect, why must i be like this 😭

i swear i am going to go slowly insane, i feel like, just, not fitting in with anyone at all and like i dont fit in any community because of all these people that just, certain things that exist, along with myself just not feeling good overall, bleh

I am so confused, i dont post for a while and it makes me worried that its goign to cause people to unfollow but THEN i post something and THEN someone unfollows??? huh?? 😭

sleep schedule feels like it indefinitely sucks and i feel like i indefinitely dont matter to anyone and i cant trust anything im told because i feel like no matter what i am let go so easily and without reason, i dont think ill be able to force myself to use bluesky any time soon it feels like 😓

and everyone else is just the main friend group, or party group, and im just there, always in the background of every group, not fully involved with them, and i just feel like if i went away and wasnt here that nothing would change for everyone, i feel like i dont exist at all or matter (2/2)

Waking up i still feel exactly how i feel in my last post
i dont know whats going on, every person i feel like theres something wrong with me or between us, i feel like anyone i talk to or whenever i make posts like im just a background character (1/2)

i just odnt feel welcome anywhere and just seeing people i feel off aobut interact with eachother makes me feel off so its making me question if it really would matter if i just vanished from the internet

i am goign t osleep now ive been up too long, slepeing in middle of day agian, yippee
i dont know how many people read or care about these, but i dont fit in anywhere, like genuinely, every bluesky "friend group" i dont fit in, or have some random issue with someone or something, i hate it, bleh.

I dont know if i should dump a lot of thoughts here.
i mjust retaining a lot in my mind right nwo and i dont want to just bother peopel wit hthem ,but its hurting just, holding so much, idk what to do

i dont care about the typos at this moment 😭

The internet is going to kill me, i swear

i have slept and yes i am saying when i sleep and wake up for no reason because sure low quality account moment (trademarked)
...now i have to be up all night and hopefully the whole day to try and fix this LOL

i shall sleep now maybe i think
goodnight goodday, mostly good day to everyone, i am sleeping in the middle of the day, oopsies

bed + pikachu hugging time(tm)!!

as usual LOL
i can barely stay awake

no idea why im saying this but yeyeyeyeye

but hopefully i can eventually get through it, im unsure, many many things of which some i dont even dare say here, but ill be fine mayhaps, maybe, potentially, perhams, ham, ham, yum yum, i dont know what im typing anymore sue me LOL
thankyou for your insightful words of wisdom🔥🔥🔥🔥(3/3)

i definitely need to get better for sure with sleep schedules, probably not helping me NOT feel depressed by staying up so much, i type these messages with my head drooping (send help)

stacked factors make it hard for me to force myself to sleep sadly (2/3)

oh god when you say for more than a decade i cant even REMEMBER THAT FAR BACK i literally have no idea how old you are LOL 😭

its definitely got a lot of complexities, dont think sugar can get me because i literally physically cant just go for it any time LOL (1/3)

also that one thing i said ages ago about people probably not interacting/replying to a post BECAUSE they can just dm me or talk to me more often is probably true still because ive honestly done that a lot myself with a couple people, so i cant blame them i suppose, but ive been quiet overall

even if they dont want to say that or something there is probably SOMETHING
and i cant forget things too myself with specific interactiosn
it also sucks some people i cant even talk to directly to discuss said feelings to see if i can fix anything, oh well (2/2)

I feel like a lot of the time my replies on some specific people's things get ignored more, sometimes it gets a like sometimes not, but replies are usually dull, i feel like this is my fault for past small interactions ive had which may have made people wary of me, which kinda sucks- (1/2)

yes i am spamming your feed hi yes you signed up for this 😭
this is literally the thought dump account (tm)

i feel like the nature of this account in specific being related to all these vents and stuff rather than having interesting stuff on it like drawings and such makes people just feel even less comfortable engaging in a way. which, probably.. a lot of my assumptions i come to see are true in a sense

on an unrealted ntoe i have been up so many hours and its daytime again my poor slepe schedule can NOT stay consistent and i do not care about my typos this is the low quality account LOL

i wonder if i should ramble about more random unrelated things here or not, hmm

i dont know why a lot of the messages i post here are secretly maybe directed at certain people, me just asking questions or expressing how i feel indirectly about something... people that do see THESE of course, yes, but its odd, idk if they assume its related to them or not, but. hmm...

is the things i post here almost TOO heavy? i genuinely cant tell, i feel like it almost does nothing other than make people more wary of me in a way which does the opposite of help with whatever so oops 😭