Jack

I eat healthy because I feel guilty for helping to bring life into the universe and they might need my help for several decades.

had a death in the family and was almost completely off the internet for a few days & my observation is that there is too much happening too fast such that basic facts abt the world are difficult to ascertain unless you are mainlining info all the time & doing that seems to drive people insane

Newspapers that told their readers austerity, Brexit, Johnson & Truss would be brilliant are attacking the British Prime Minister for not unquestioningly following a lunatic President into an illegal attack. And on social media, he gets attacked from the other 'side' for doing the precise opposite!

He could have punched me, so I shot him first.

So as I understand it, it is the policy of the United States that the President can unilaterally issue orders to kill the leader of any country at any time for any reason?

Kash Patel’s latest firings ousted agents with expertise in Iran The FBI director gutted a specialized, global espionage unit of counterintelligence agents, just days before Operation Epic Fury.

Patel "targeted an elite counter espionage unit that investigates threats from foreign adversaries and specializes in Iran" days before the US attacked Iran.
www.ms.now/news/kash-pa...

There were 10 investigations into Benghazi when 4 Americans died.

"Don't worry, those are my hopes and dreams down there... they'll cushion your fall."

-me, releasing my grip of someone hanging on the edge of a cliff

I'm behind after a 14-hour work day. Just text me your skeets and I'll repost. 🙃

“This email could have been head-scritches.”

Courtesy of @karlbode.com,

Today’s band name:
The Feckless Brunchlords

biblically accurate corn dogs

during my next rap battle i’m going to compare them to the gross little strings you have to pull off of your banana

I am “you know what, let me hold on to the sink while I step out of the tub just in case” years old.

RFK Jr would definitely eat this.

Sorry to hear that your homemade sex tape scored a 3% on Rotten Tomatoes

You know you're an adult when you see a gorgeous sunrise on your way to work and your internal monologue is just, "Wow. That's pretty.”

—“I hope traffic isn't backed up because of it."

Can't, redecorating my crying cave

Thinking about this story again, in light of events.

This has to be the hardest piece of figure skating-related art in the history of figure skating

Shingle Diggins Family Restaurant
Coloma, MI

Aerial view of snowy trail through winter forest

The Upper Peninsula

why is everyone always trying to kill me??

- the lights

tattooing a line on my thigh every year to track how much my balls sag

To the people who have their shit together: the fuck?

An array of Toyota Hilux vehicles with various kinds of artillery mounted in the bed. Unknown source, parody.

Probably this one too. Has that satire overtones.

Birds in skirts…

I keep clutching my pearl necklace but my hands get so sticky.

Fuck it send

don’t worry, once they determine his strikes are illegal, they’ll just refund them