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Frost Cutlery-The White House Sword-Designed by Russ Farrell-52" Frost Cutlery-The White House Sword-Designed by Russ Farrell-52"

I own one these dumb swords & I am like a half inch away from taking it with me to physical therapy next week & being like, “the most important thing right now is getting me able to wield this,” & then dueling the that dumb fuck for the presidency.

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I would like to petition to keep The Chicago Dogs as they are largely unproblematic.

I say this as a Sox fan who is boycotting until Reinsdorf either sells the team or shuffles off this mortal coil because I am sorta convinced he has a humiliation kink he is foisting upon us all without consent.

I am once again regretting not making Rob buy me a grief blowtorch at Rural King after my friend’s funeral last year.

If you are on a Chicago baseball team, you should be legally obligated to have your walk up music be a Wesley Willis song.

I had Rob do this in an earlier version of MLB The Show on PS4 and it was pretty good but not quite enough.

I think there is a stunningly large number of people who don’t realize that everything has a chemical name, no matter how natural it is.

I had a coworker complaining a few years back that she couldn’t find a b12 supplement that didn’t contain cyanocobalamin. She thought it was poison.

This week in being alive: I semi-threatened an elderly still semi-recovering from a stroke over car stuff and also realized that croutons are just garlic bread raisins except they’re not disgusting like raisins.

Rob and I have gotten into the habit of watching documentaries while we eat dinner. The Trainwreck ones on Netflix are really fun and I have enjoyed heckling the absolute dummies who try to duck consequences for their action in some of them.

I scrolled to see this post like 10 seconds after posting about how I don’t trust AI or Alexa because I’ve seen Maximum Overdrive and Smart House.

So I am obviously very much in agreement with you about this.

I don’t trust AI or Alexa-powered home stuff because I saw Maximum Overdrive and Disney Channel original movie Smart House as a child, so I know how this ends.

ICE agents are just people who were too dumb to get a job as a TSA agent.

Listen, I know that she is a cartoon teenager, but Tina Belcher is going to be in absolute heaven when she gets older and discovers reverse harem and why choose romance novels.

Our car has been in the shop for over 5 months. It’s a warranty repair but the dealership is dicking us around/avoiding us.

I just added up what we’ve spent in ride shares getting me to dr appts, OMT, & PT.

I do not know if I want to cry, barf, or break into unhinged stress laughter about it.

I’m getting over a cold and I feel this deeply.

What are everyone’s favorite types of -thropy.

Mine are misan and lycan because I don’t really like that many people but I do really like werewolves.

Don Bluth might be the reason millennials were the first generation to truly embrace going to therapy.

Every once and so often I think about how The Brave Little Toaster is just KidzBop Maximum Overdrive.

I still don’t know if it is extremely weird or just a regular amount of interesting coincidence that my brother and I both ended up married to people who have had brain surgery.

I have heard that he is nice.

If Bill Dauterive does not fall for at least one romance scam during the King of the Hill revival, I am going to figure out how to cyber bully Mike Judge and then do so relentlessly.

I’d fuck Bjork.

Screenshot from King of the Hill Season 11, Episode 11

I had a backpack freshman year of high school that I had planned to cover in band patches, but my parents wouldn’t let me order them or buy enough at Hot Topic. So I just wrote the names of bands I liked in Sharpie on it. I told myself it was way more punk rock than the patches.

I have spent so much more time than I would have liked in the back seat of a Prius in the past three months.

Before anyone asks, it’s not for slutty reasons. It’s because Lincolnwood Kia is terrible and has had our car since December and I can’t just quit going to the doctor and PT and Target.

Can I offer to tell the dude my friend dumped two years ago (he was getting possessive & creepy right away) that she is NEVER going to be his girlfriend the next time he turns up someplace uninvited & I’m also there as her birthday gift this year?

I am broke & I think it would make her life easier

I keep seeing people mad about Melissa from Yellowjackets and her backwards baseball cap.

Hey dumdums, they are trying to subtly tell you she was gay before she got to the onscreen girl kissing.

It is harder to eat pussy if the hat bill is in the front. Doesn’t anyone think about sex logistics?

The first thing I ever saw on YouTube was a RickRoll

In 2017, I said I would feed it RBG myself if it meant Trump never became president and the Cubs never won the World Series and my mom and Carrie Fisher didn’t both die.

It’s been almost 8yrs. I don’t like this at all, but I think we’re gonna have to feed it Moo Deng

Do you remember how in 2016, they had to shut down the large hadron collider because a weasel got in it and some physicists said that might have moved us into an alternate timeline?

Clearly, the time has come for us to feed the large hadron collider a mammalian sacrifice.

This is not where I thought I’d be or where I wanted to be at this stage in my life. But here I am, and it’s already exhausting and miserable enough.

I was originally supposed to be in fucking Paris last week, but instead I’m here figuring out where I’ll buy a cane.

Having a body is fucking dumb

They make you struggle to clear bureaucratic obstacles to prove that you are struggling in the first place.

It’s exhausting and dumb, especially when sitting for prolonged periods of time, like what’s needed to fill out all these forms, makes my chronic pain worse.