lukas

Honestly the only thing I’m mildly passionate about is sleeping in

Not sure if I’m back but did I miss anything

you know you’re getting old when you fuck up your neck while *receiving* head

how come it’s cool as long as it’s Elon doing the transitioning

how come people aren’t upset about twitter transitioning?

just talked to jesus and he approves of pineapple on pizza never meet your heroes i guess

too bad jesus is dead i'd love to know what he thinks about pineapple on pizza

here’s a graph showing the strong correlations between number of trains taken and chances of getting to where you’re going in Germany

just cuddled this cow how’s ur day

[sobriety check point]

Cop: Have you been drinking or doing drugs?

Me: Why, cuz I keep thinking how unlikely it is that you and I evolved just to be here talking to each other right now?

Cop:

Me:

Cop: Step out of the car

Me: Oh I’m way too high to do that

Reskeet with a time you looked cool 😎

waiting in line makes me so mad like c’mon wtf it’s me

do you think the incels from the other platforms will stay away from this one because, at best, they would be joining during beta phase?

ME: (removing my AirPods) Not guilty your honor.

Instead of saying "water," I say "walter." Like "let me get a glass of that walter." Fun. Also instead of having friends, I do not

Good skeet

a twitter user changing to bluesky to expand his following

nice bluesky gave me an invite, soon it’s going to be 20 of us here

The guy that created the "wind chill" factor died recently. He was 88 but felt like 67.

Please clap

don’t check on you people here for a few days and you do racism wtf

Perceiving someone: haha yes amazing yes
Being perceived: no oh no what the fuck no

i miss the blue checkmarks

kinda wanna pay $8/month for this hbu

Does anyone know decent alternative to Twitter?

Weed

Posts you’re likely to engage with even cross-platform, clearly

Well shit

This is real?

I spend too much time on cat videos