lichen

i ask you how you're doing and i let you lie

you sit here, in these vast halls, with a crown upon your head and yet you are lesser now than you have ever been.

i'll take what i can get,
i'll take what i am given,
but we both know that i'll need more

don't leave me here alone. don't go where i can't follow.

i try to forget it, it comes back to me,
tied to the pulse of the sea

when did i start to lose the parts of me that weren’t just anger?

i got out of the ocean for you.,

the sea is a good place to think of (to think about) the future

look at you, with your eyes and your never giving up. and your anger, your kindness. and one day, the memory of that will hurt so much that i won't be able to breathe.

i hope you can be happy after this, darling. i need you to be happy after this. i don’t think i could live with myself if you weren’t.

yes, i'm young and living dreams,
in love with being noticed and afraid of being seen

in all timelines, in all possibilities, only you can show me this

“i need you.”
“where are we going?”
“into darkness.”

i am a forest fire
and i am the fire
and i am the forest
and i am a witness watching it

the doctor put her hands over my liver,
she told me my resentment's getting smaller

take a body to water,
take a body to tundra,
just take me with you as well

you will run. it will walk. you will rest. it will not. one day, you will linger in the same place too long. you will sit too still or sleep too deep, and when, too late, you rise to go, you will notice a second shadow next to yours. your life will then be over.

“i wish none of this had happened.”
“so do all who live to see such times. but that is not for them to decide. all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

don’t break the bottle
don’t waste your blessings on me

all the love, all the kindness, all your best-laid plans,
couldn't stop me from becoming the way that i am

and if i were someplace else
and if i were someone else
and if i were not myself
would this be easier?

you’re not SUPPOSED to handle it by yourself. that's what you're always telling us. that's why we have team members. that's why we have therapists. that's why we have FRIENDS, orion!

“i need you.”
“where are we going?”
“into darkness.”

well don't you worry, cause in there you're safe,
and it's true, you'll never beat,
but you'll never break

look to the sky, where the sign will be shown
heaven and earth and the king on his throne

i would've gone with you to the end, into the very fires of mordor.

“you'll be doomed along with me.”
“exactly. we either escape together or we die together.”

it's a secret i keep tucked inside my chest
with this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful
there is love that doesn't have a place to rest
but it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders

i’m so sorry i couldn’t be who you needed me to be. go live that life, love. just not with me.

come on, it can't end like this. you and me, all the things we've done.