Marissa Maciel

If the problem really is that the federal reserve building is too expensive then my solution is to put it in the White House ballroom. Voila!

Again I ask Werther’s Originals to please stop supplying Senator Chuck Schumer as he is clearly distracted with those caramel wrappers to do his actual job.

Do you pause shows and movies to research the medicines in characters’ bathrooms or are you normal

Do you pause shows and movies to research the medicines in characters’ bathrooms or are you normal

Chuck Schumer what are you doing right now unwrapping your 10th Werther’s Original of the day?

Chuck Schumer what are you doing right now unwrapping your 10th Werther’s Original of the day?

“Did you see what he said!?” Oh we’re surprised the most narcissistic person in North America - a two-time convicted felon who tried to lead a coup an buried his ex wife in his golf course for a tax write-off shared some horrible thought? Hmmm???

Dracula was probaly a really popular baby name until that book came out

Dracula was probaly a really popular baby name until that book came out

If he says the pardoned turkeys are really beautiful and so much bigger than Biden’s I’m going to break a plate

If he says the pardoned turkeys are really beautiful and so much bigger than Biden’s I’m going to break a plate

Thanksgiving or Perimenopause? 1. There’s a turkey neck situation. 2. Is it four thousand degrees in the kitchen, or is it just you? 3. You love your family, but you also wish th...

I teamed up with @janineannett.bsky.social for this perimenopause or Thanksgiving quiz up @mcsweeneys.net

Turns out there is a surprising amount of overlap.

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/tha...

Croatian pyramids are out, new cryptosporidium triangle theories are in

Lesser-Known Celebrity-Owned Alcohol Brands Featuring Walton Goggins’s Weirdly Hot Jalapeño Tequila and Sydney Sweeney’s Pure White Rum.

I've got a new Shout co-authored with my talented bud Jordan De Padova and illustrated beautifully by Livia Weiner. Sláinte!
www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts...

It’s so great that our bodies register “having to burp” as “I’m gonna barf!!!” Really fun prank, you got me.

Best breakfast I’ve ever had is going to be leftover cold pizza from the night before, but sure keep making recipes for eggs or pancakes. I’ll be over here in my blanket fort, not cooking. Winning.

The “Name Your Child Emily” to “Career in Writing” pipeline is STRONG.

The “Name Your Child Emily” to “Career in Writing” pipeline is STRONG.

I’m fine with missing the Aurora Borealis. Whatever it’s foggy I like fog. That’s just fog on my face I’m not crying. I SAID

I’m fine with missing the Aurora Borealis. Whatever it’s foggy I like fog. That’s just fog on my face I’m not crying. I SAID

Millennials- RUN FOR OFFICE! Local, state, federal. Let’s make the holidays about our people and not making corporations wealthy!!! #deconstruction #exvangelical #currentevents #news

so this whole shutdown is probably because there’s photos of him with half naked abused children and when he’s dead and the photos come out they will all have to explain that they ”didn’t know”. I figure Mike Johnson is just getting practice in right now.

What every billionaire dreams of - a robot girlfriend who loves him

Take a page from Mamdami and have Chuck bring an Optometrist Chart and a gift card to Lens Crafters to Mike Johnson‘a next presser. Offer him the chance to prove he can actually see anything.

so this whole shutdown is probably because there’s photos of him with half naked abused children and when he’s dead and the photos come out they will all have to explain that they ”didn’t know”. I figure Mike Johnson is just getting practice in right now.

Buy my meditation app "Whales Talk To You" and listen to 60 hours of whale-song.

The app is free thanks to generous donors (the ads play continuously over the whale singing).

So weird because I’m writing a novel about a billionaire-turned-trillionaire who befriends a senile dictator so he can dismantle years of government work, only to overdose on Ketamine before he’s brought to justice

So weird because I’m writing a novel about a billionaire-turned-trillionaire who befriends a senile dictator so he can dismantle years of government work, only to overdose on Ketamine before he’s brought to justice

They apologized for not including an Ebola outbreak warning, too.