Paul Frank

How many Braxton Fulford jerseys do you reckon the Rockies sell?

I bet it's more than none.

We can all agree that it would be hilarious if the Yankees missed the Postseason, right?

BORIS CRANAPPLE BICHETTE

Wee Little Varsho blasts one into the wee little Coors Field atmosphere.

I do a better Dan Shulman impression than him. And my impression sucks.

Oh for fuck's sake.

Dan Shulman, get your ass to Denver and collect your idiot kid.

Shake it off, fellas.

But remember - if you pull this shit in Colorado, you're dead to me 😘

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you, man.

This may be a bit of an overshare but bunt singles make me rock hard.

Ha! Check your replies.

Great minds, as the kids say.

Sal Perez is only 35??

I would've thought late 60s for sure.

I can't believe Marcus Stroman got released. Plus he's short.

Varland is having a great year.

And Ty France...I've heard of!

France-France Revolution

Myles Straw has to do everything around here.

I can't think of any reason for Will Wagner to be hitting into all these double plays, other than because he's a fucking asshole who hates winning.

My fucking God, I hate Chad Green.

It's a shame Will Wagner's dad didn't have an event tonight.

And how it's being obscured by his great big cock??

Chris Bassitt picked a bad night to go through menopause.

You know what?

It may not go our way today but this is still a great team and Chad Green.

Agreed. If they could relegate the losses to the day games when I work, that'd be ideal.

Listen, I know we're going to lose again eventually.

I know that.

Ok?

But hear me out.

No, we aren't.

Fair warning.

If we win this game and the Yankees lose, there's gonna be all kinds of recent nude footage of me, streaking through the streets of Milton.

I'm sure Rob Manfred doesn't want a Jays/Brewers World Series.

So let's definitely do that.

CHAD GREEN, CAN YOU NOT FUCK AROUND JUST ONE TIME??

Just a casual Thursday evening church nut.

Oh no...

Guys, I've got a bit of a problem.

You see, I'm here at church, as usual.

AND I JUST HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY RAGING BARGER BONER

Fuck the Humber intern that made the Sportsnet Plus app.