Ovine Enumerator

I'm doing an online version of my show on Sunday 7th December at 7pm - tickets go on sale tomorrow morning to my mailing list so if you're not on there already, sign up now! bit.ly/MattGreenMailingList Thanks!

And so once again it's time for my annual Tiktok detox - can't risk being Whammed so no mindless scrolling dumb videos for me until I hear it in a shop (it's unlikely I'll beat last year's 2pm on December 24th though!)

Thank you Cambridge! A lovely show at @cambridgejunction.bsky.social - thank you very much to everyone there! Just 5 shows left now - next one is Southampton on Saturday…

Had a nice evening out in Cambridge watching @mattgreencomedy.com - go see him if you live near one of the places he's visiting on the rest of his tour, and you like lefty woke clever comedians (which clearly you do or you wouldn't be following me lol)

I am very grateful that of my two bags, the one that got soaked was the one that didn't contain my laptop and several hundred sheets of origami paper for a workshop tomorrow

My water bottle leaked (I failed to secure the lid of my water bottle adequately) and so all my stuff got wet and it meant I couldn't get any work done on this train because I was dealing with wet stuff, and to add insult to injury I forgot to bring my knitting with me so I can't knit to de-stress

Oh crap, I'm in trouble. The new printer only does monochrome and doesn't have a scanner, so I was planning to keep the old one. Would it be ok if I put them in different rooms, or will the new printer know?

O no... I bought a printer yesterday, picking it up tomorrow. Are there offerings I should make or runes of protection I can prepare today?

Seven balls of sock yarn in assorted colours

Please enjoy this photograph of all the sock yarn I've bought since I said I had too much sock yarn and should knit some of it up before buying any more

Apparently I also should be wearing my mouth guard. And I'll get used to it if I just wear it more, and it won't be a horrible alien object in my mouth that makes sleep impossible. So that's nice to know.

Went to the dentist this morning. I, along with every other person in the world, don't floss often enough. But at least now I don't have to think about how terrible a person that makes me, at least for the next six months.

Hurrah for kettle!

Autistic woman celebrates rare burst of energy by running herself into the ground again An autistic woman experiencing a rare burst of energy has decided to mark the occasion by doing all the things that exhausted her in the first place. Navya Randhawa, 36, was recently forced to take a…

Randhawa said: “I’m on top of the world right now. I feel great. Like I could run a marathon, or defeat God in single combat – hang on a minute! I forgot to add those things to my to-do list. I’ll put them both under ‘Priority’.”

It's a sign of how far I've come in my machine knitting journey that making a sock is routine now. My first attempts at socks nearly 2 years ago went disastrously and hilariously wrong! Mainly because I was trying to run before I could walk, but I am stubborn and won't be told I can't do something!

A pair of stripey socks with blue, green, yellow and red. Some yarn ends still need weaving in.

Done quite a lot of experimental knitting stuff lately - I can now load pictures from my laptop to my Brother Electronic machine, which opens up many possibilities for exciting picture knitting. Today though I just fancied something routine so I finished off a pair of stripey socks.

It's just the one swan actually

Ok so we're in a pub for lunch. Important context: the pub is called "The Swan". Someone at the next table ordered the Swan Burger... They were asked "chicken or beef?" and I'm so disappointed they didn't say "no, swan!"

Hope everyone is having a lovely Saturday except for the person who designed the little Gaviscon container where the lid is exactly the right size for a Gaviscon tablet to get stuck in it so you can't get it out without breaking the tablet up

A lot of it is about mutual respect. If we're both trying to figure out a problem, we listen to each other's ideas and let the other person take their time to understand, because we each know the other is smart and worth listening to. I like fixing stuff together!

Spent a good chunk of this evening trying to fix a broken knitting machine gadget, with the help of my beloved. It's not fixed, but I have some ideas to try, and we both had fun. We're both a lot more mellow when working on projects than we used to be. We both still get frustrated but more calmly.

Hurrah for survival, big hugs, hope tomorrow brings small unexpected moments of joy for you 💜

I find it really hard to tell the difference between existential dread and being a bit dehydrated, so I have a new routine of when I wake up in a cold sweat feeling a sense of doom, I drink some water.

When the demons come, I'll be the first to die, distracted by my water bottle. I'm ok with that.

It doesn't matter how fervently I believe before a game that a point is a good result away from home, when the point is because we conceded in the 98th minute after having to play with 10 men because of an unjust second yellow, I'm going to feel let down :( #sportsball

I mean, you've certainly made worse jokes than this

Also if anyone who does art wants to draw me a picture of what Jaffacakes McFlurry would look like on stage, I'd be so here for that...

I just came up with a really great drag name that I'm never going to use so it's up for grabs for whoever wants it: Jaffacakes McFlurry.

In other news, who can guess where I am for lunch today?

OK but why do we just blithely accept that l and I look the same? Why aren't we insisting on fonts that make them Iook clearly different to each other?

I like stir fry as a hot weather meal because it just uses the hob, and for not very long.

I don't know who needs to hear this today but in super hot humid weather it's ok if you don't feel like eating normal meals at normal times. But it's still important to eat, and to stay hydrated! Which is why I'm making stir fry at half past nine in the evening...

I had iced coffee with lunch but a glass of water on the side - my summer habit is to always have water with coffee 😊