spencer

i mean, despite all the bullshit, linkedin has been working out alright for me since i got made redundant in the last month. lots of people getting referred to my page and a handful of folks reaching out with interviews, etc.

SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL IS GOING TO HAPPEN

announcing my redundancy on mumsnet just to feel something

Streaming in 2010: You can watch an entire catalog of amazing movies and TV shows for a reasonable monthly fee

Streaming in 2025: our library is Batman movies and 28 seasons of a Tim Allen sitcom, it costs $159/month. We just destroyed the last piece of evidence that Mister Rogers ever existed

people telling you that “you’re mature for your age” hits different when you’re 25

hello, FBI? yeah, so, you guys sent a couple out to investigate how my son got all sucked up into a flying saucer but they just interviewed me for like five minutes and immediately left to get into unrelated hijinks across town. I was wondering if someone was going to reach back out about the aliens

Evil cult nye party... its the raven queen

Dear Santa,
You didn’t get me the thesaurus I asked for and now I’m mad. You made me really mad. I’m mad at you

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk

my wife [welling up]: oh my god i love it, it’s exactly what i always wante-

me: don’t forget to put the paper in the trash bag

god damnit I found myself living in a shotgun shack

Did you know that for 80% of his scenes in Die Hard (1988), Bruce Willis was under the effects of the Goblin Curse?

one great thing about Die Hard is you can watch it on christmas eve every year and just enjoy yourself without annoying everyone by going Hotdog Is A Sandwich mode about it

the kerning on “EBENEZER SCROOGE” is insane. that shit looks so good on a tombstone

People who prefer Grease 2 to Grease are like people who prefer cats to dogs; we have a parasite in our blood which makes us insane. Our parasite is called “Cool Rider”.

when a police man says hes going to give you a hot meal that means hell shoot you. the hot meal is a bullet. they call it Police mans dinner

this is funny as-is but imo way funnier when you see his lawyer

Yeah I develop for front and backend

clothes shopping and telling my friend she looks like a mob wife in everything she tries on

I’ve had enough of woke ugly men in our games, so I’ve improved Geralt

aer lingus lost my bag but the jokes on them because my christmas presents were mid and i was looking for an excuse to update my style anyways

"unexplained flying lights in minnesota," "mysterious drones over new jersey," "pilots report ufo in oregon" it's santa dumbass

Beloved murderer canceled after old tweets surface

My favorite part of robbing a bank is yelling “don't be a hero!” at some asshole who’s trying to be a Big Man. Telling off that guy is almost as good as the money, smug superiority goes surprisingly well with ill-begotten riches.

Statler and Waldorf criticise muppets because they don’t have what it takes to be muppets themselves

step into my shoes