Thanks for always finding me, Ed!
22.04.2025 18:06 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Thanks for always finding me, Ed!
22.04.2025 18:06 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Team Sparty? Love it! It is hard to believe we have to root for DEI, yet here we are…
19.04.2025 21:10 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0sorry Spotify but I’m literally never going to tap the banner to learn more
11.04.2025 21:11 — 👍 28 🔁 6 💬 0 📌 0Is Cinco de Mayo still legal?
11.04.2025 22:56 — 👍 17 🔁 6 💬 2 📌 0I still get just as excited about thunderstorms as I did when I was a kid
08.04.2025 01:26 — 👍 148 🔁 38 💬 7 📌 1These two chicks were fighting outside the bar the other night, and this guy kept yelling, “Rubber Beaver!” Is that a pro wrestling move?
08.04.2025 17:42 — 👍 7 🔁 5 💬 2 📌 0It’s an anniversary somewhere for something so might as well celebrate…
28.03.2025 20:06 — 👍 13 🔁 2 💬 3 📌 0Saying and doing absurd things is a lifestyle…
28.03.2025 18:14 — 👍 7 🔁 2 💬 2 📌 0Someone at work just asked me to collab like I’m some sort of 25 year old…
26.03.2025 16:20 — 👍 22 🔁 12 💬 1 📌 0You too can have a perfect basketball bracket if you fill it out post-game…
24.03.2025 13:09 — 👍 11 🔁 3 💬 3 📌 0
Them: Do you remember
Me: No
I like to set my weather app to places with worse weather than mine.
24.03.2025 11:42 — 👍 171 🔁 48 💬 8 📌 1
Hang on.
Let me panic first.
Come for the nonsense, stay for the hysteria!
24.03.2025 13:01 — 👍 77 🔁 29 💬 1 📌 1Oligarchy is not a word I thought would be so prevalent in my vocabulary, yet here we are…
09.03.2025 19:06 — 👍 8 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Egging my enemies is a hobby I can no longer afford…
08.03.2025 14:39 — 👍 15 🔁 5 💬 1 📌 0Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because I use a Yahoo e-mail address…
04.03.2025 18:06 — 👍 69 🔁 7 💬 10 📌 0Does anyone have a yacht I can day drink on? Just checking…
03.03.2025 17:58 — 👍 13 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0I don’t understand the “p” in front of some English “f” words. It’s Pfucked up…
23.02.2025 14:12 — 👍 24 🔁 5 💬 6 📌 0Wish Trader Joe’s would run the government. They have their shit together..
15.02.2025 13:23 — 👍 16 🔁 5 💬 1 📌 0This year show someone you really care by sending them a bouquet of omelettes…
14.02.2025 16:26 — 👍 15 🔁 4 💬 0 📌 0I'm about to fuck around & write a love song about Honey Lemon Theraflu. This is some good shit!
13.02.2025 04:35 — 👍 10 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0Waiting for Drake's comeback dis track "I'm Rubber You Glue"
14.02.2025 03:55 — 👍 13 🔁 4 💬 0 📌 0
[watching porn]
"Wow, I wish I had a close platonic friendship like that”
You’re as cheerful as a serial killer’s storage unit
08.02.2025 00:53 — 👍 94 🔁 57 💬 2 📌 0I have wanted nuthin but a good time since 1988.
12.02.2025 01:17 — 👍 116 🔁 49 💬 9 📌 1I'm sorry you asked for a hug, and now we're spooning.
13.02.2025 16:19 — 👍 96 🔁 34 💬 7 📌 0