Aly

... and the perpetrators behind it legit wanted me dead. It was terrifying, it got to the point in the end where I didn't want to go back to sleep and be back in it.

Had this dream (nightmare) last night where I was being homophobically attacked, not by anyone I know and I can't remember where I was - but I'd keep waking up in the middle of it and each time I fell back asleep it'd happen again in a completely different scenario...

When you wash your hair after the barbers, realise they've fucked up in various places and have to trim it into shape 🫠

Alexa play 'Criminal' by Britney Spears

First day this year I regret leaving the house with a jacket.

That's a blatant yes, then

Same! I've always quite liked him, but never been properly excited by him as an artist until this.

I do love those random Instagram accounts you get following you. Today's one is selling "quality scooters at affordable prices"

Going to try and make today the day where I don't just sit around wallowing in heartache and sadness.

True dat!

Really hate the term "think tank". It roughly translates as lobbying group hidden behind an entity.

It's a Jessie Ware kind of evening

I feel like a part of me has died 😢

Now the dust is beginning to settle, I'm starting to realise the likelihood of me ever knowing the complete truth about various things is slim to none.

I read that drinking and smoking is bad for you, so I've decided I'm giving up reading.

I didn't wake up today expecting all I've known for almost the past year to just crumble.

How do you even begin to contemplate moving forward from a breakup? 😢

All I wanna do is have some fun, I got a feelin' I'm not the only one

I've always quite liked Harry Styles, but I've never been properly excited by him as an artist. However, I'm so excited to hear his upcoming album!

Amazing news re: by-election result 💚

That's a really bitter pill for Starmer to swallow though, and there's no sugarcoating it.

Happy birthday! 🎉🥳 Keeping everything crossed for you

When I'm asked what my favourite Madonna song is

When I hear "unexpected item in bagging area"

When people ask how I knew I was gay, I tell them I took a test:

I should probably stop doing this before it's too late

When I was a kid I thought earwigs were bugs that came out of your ears, so you can imagine what I thought when I heard about cockroaches.

Has to be life-size though, right? 😂

Cunts of the highest order

So apparently Reform want to ban all face coverings in the UK.

Looks like there's gonna be a lot of freezing cyclists.

Completely paid off my credit card 🤙

The definition of "comedian" is being stretched beyond all linguistic precedent here.