Sarah McDugal

Opinion | The Trouble Began Where #MeToo Became #ChurchToo Yes, people want justice — so long as justice costs them nothing, or very little.

"A person might value vulnerable people in the abstract — or might even declare a strong commitment to justice — but very few people will sacrifice anything they truly value to correct an injustice that doesn’t involve them immediately and directly." www.nytimes.com/2024/12/15/o...

Back then… I didn’t really either. It was intensely lonely and isolating.

😭 this is eerily similar to the holiday grief experienced by soooo many of my custody coaching clients. I’m sorry you went thru that Gretchen, and I’m so glad for what you do for others now. 🥰

When we build on a foundation of deception it is no wonder we are robbed of the ability to trust and believe in others, for we are merely projecting our inner mindset as an interpretive filter.

How to Recognize Toxic Relationships During the Holidays: Are You Conditioned to Fear Conflict? Learn to identify toxic relationships and understand if past experiences are making you second-guess safe interactions this holiday season.

If toxic family was your baseline for “normal” then you likely have a deeply ingrained habit of second-guessing yourself. Healthy holiday boundaries will look a little different in every situation. Here are some overall guidelines:

www.wildernesstowild.com/blog/how-to-...

Marriage Advice From Divorced People - Why We All Need It Marriage advice from divorced people is often regarded with a lot of suspicion. Here's why we need to dump the suspicion and embrace it

“Don’t take marriage advice from divorced people.” You’ve probably heard the words or some variation of the same. It’s a common belief in Christian circles, that to divorce is to be biased against all relationships. Heres where we are wrong & how to do better
intentionaltoday.com/marriage-adv...

When I look back over the last 20 years -- that's the one specific day that stands out among all the other little sparks of strength here and there.

It's one of the reasons I became a Clarity Coach myself...
And it's why I train others to become Clarity Coaches too!

#purposeinpain

That day... that coaching call...
was the first time I'd felt truly *heard* in years...
was the first time it felt like I had someone in my corner who could see the big picture clearly and give wise guidance.

That day... that call...
was the turning point in my healing journey.

I remember the first coaching session I ever had...

It was during a dark and heavy season. I felt frozen in place yet simultaneously spiraling in that godawful Brain Fog Vortex where I desperately needed some outside clarity from someone who actually gets it.

IYKYK...

When the Pews Don't Fit My Search for Church Community

“We call the church a family. What kind of family do we want it to be? A healthy one where people find belonging + acceptance of their authentic selves? Or a dysfunctional one where people put on masks + pretend to be something they’re not, to fit in?”

emandmblog.substack.com/p/when-the-p...

It is not our job to compete with the other parent’s holiday plans.

It IS our job to manage ourselves so we model healthy coping skills to our kids (and still give our kids the best possible holiday memories in the process!!!!)

#holidaycoparenting #abusiveexes

People don’t talk enough about how separation or divorce can include being without your kids for the holidays.

It’s NORMAL to feel grief or anger.
It’s OKAY to feel a wide spectrum of emotions.
Its’s CRUCIAL to process those emotions well.

If this is you right now, you’re not alone. ❤️‍🩹

Yes, the biggest challenge I think is that this approach definitely means taking the long road. There are no shortcuts or quick fixes. It requires consistent, compassionate, caring love and respect for a long, long, long time.

This is crucial to know for survivors of sexual abuse in California!!

My biggest tip to parents in this situation is to parent with contrast, not control. In other words, don’t try to counter parent your ex. Don’t get stricter because they’re too indulgent, or looser because they’re too controlling. Just stay steady and focus on relational connection.

Thanks! Looking forward to exploring the platform here.

Dear Younger Me,
I wish you knew when you were 18:
1) you aren’t broken, you’re autistic
2) you will find your people, eventually
3) gut instincts will save your life
4) you will know love
5) mistakes are redeemable
6) you’re gonna be okay ❤️‍🩹

Love,
Future Me

P.S. What would YOU tell 18yo you?

You deserve to be safe.

And then we must either address those factors… or exit that system.

… because we simply cannot call ourselves people of integrity if we do not.”

>Mulling through my thoughts after reading A Well-Trained Wife” by Tia Levings, Writer<

Therefore — when any collective group is disproportionately populated with individuals who feed on hierarchical power and feast on the freedom it provides to control others — we have a to ask, “What factors make this system innately inviting to those with a penchant for harm instead of humility?”

In addition, we must acknowledge the stark, chilling reality that people who love to control and coerce will be naturally drawn to belief systems that allow or even reward them for doing so… systems based on power, on hierarchy, on control.

Because — if a collective system is consistently venerating and empowering those who teach and practice harm to the vulnerable, we cannot sidestep culpability by attempting to solely blame the individual.

We MUST assess the components of belief which allow (or encourage) evil to flourish.

…we simply MUST look to the underlying belief system and ask ourselves — “What conscious or subconscious beliefs are underpinning the pillars of our teachings and shaping the space that allows harmful patterns of behavior to thrive unchecked?”

This means…

…when a disproportionate ratio of coercive, entitled, controlling behavior commonly thrives inside a group of people, or even composes the general baseline of a group’s identifying subculture…

Likewise, kind-hearted, Christlike humans may be present in any system.)

But the presence of good humans does not absolve or offset the systemic endorsement and empowerment of bad behavior.

In high-control religions, theology carves out the space for hierarchical control to thrive… then baptizes coercion with holy water and peddles it as a mandate from the divine.

(Of course, some people are just plain evil, and these individuals can be found anywhere.

In other words — when healthy belief systems are the foundation — evil meets opposition. Perpetrators become outliers instead of status quo. However, in a system rooted in harmful beliefs, those who act with entitlement and control will be venerated, revered, even promoted to greater power.

They will run up against a wall of accountability comprised of those in possession of healthy, kind, balanced mindsets which have been shaped by the system’s infrastructure of healthy core belief systems.

In a religious system with healthy beliefs—those who choose to act harmfully, cruelly, coercively, will face consequences—will encounter *stoppage* by those around them.

What we believe informs what we do.

Naturally, this also means that our beliefs about the character of God will have a direct and undeniable impact on what we believe about ourselves, and on how we treat others.