Nick Leonard

Tomorrow! Come see me at the Groundlings in a hilarious show with a group of hilarious improvisors, directed by Samantha Desurra!! 7:30 pm, just five bucks (cash works!)! Yay! See ya there!!

Tomorrow! Come see me at the Groundlings in a hilarious show with a group of hilarious improvisors, directed by Samantha Desurra!!
7:30 pm, just five bucks (cash works!)!
Yay! See ya there!!
groundlings.com/shows/improv...

Me: I know pantyhose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone

Teller: So is this not a robbery?

Me: No, it is

A fake ICE tip line reveals neighbors reporting neighbors A Nashville comedian’s deportation hotline, set up as a joke, has gone viral among viewers who say it shows the “banality of evil personified” in the U.S. immigration crackdown.

New: A comedian set up a fake ICE tip line as a joke. Then 100 calls flooded in: neighbors ratting on neighbors, a teacher reporting a kindergartener. Fans say the viral TikToks revealed deportation's "banality of evil." Conservatives say he should be in prison wapo.st/4kM4qbF

I not only wear an analog watch, I use the glow from my cell phone to read my analog watch.

I say we just fast forward to the part with the bunker, the Lamppost and the trials.

Announcer: This program is intended for mature audiences only

Me: HELL YEAH LET'S SEE THE TITS

Yes 10,000% out of 10!

Contractor: So what features do you want for your parking lot?

Trader Joes: Too small. Hard to access. Counter-intuitive. Same as always

My idea:
1: Hire one of those delivery robots.
2: Fart into it.
3: Have it delivered to someone.
4: Surprise!
I'm a genius.

There's a nap for that.

Antifa would be a beautiful girl's name

Just please don't let Grimace show up in the Epstein files

Doctor: Your wrist pain is from repetitive motion. Can you stop doing it at work?

[Cut to me doing the jerkoff gesture thru every conference call]

Me: Sadly, no

I’m auctioning off this piece on Instagram! All proceeeds go to THE ADVOCATES FOR HUMAN RIGHTS in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Let’s show some love for our friends in this wonderful place !

Melania poster altered to say "my husband fucks kids"

Donald Trump has sued his accusers, employees and associates over 4,000 times.

He has sued for defamation 34 times since 2015.

He has never sued anyone for calling him a pedophile.

Comics retailing legend Greg Ketter standing up to ICE in Minneapolis. Yes, that's tear gas. He's 70 years old.

don’t make me come over there and boost your confidence. I will fucking lift your ass up because you’re worth it, motherfucker

A reminder to the news media: “conflicting accounts” is what you say BEFORE the incontrovertible video evidence appears. After that, your job is to ask why one side is lying, not to repeat the lie and pretend no one knows the truth.

ICE detained a 2-year-old girl in Minneapolis and put the child on a flight to a detention center in Texas, despite a court ordering her release: www.startribune.com/agents-detai...

this administration is actual real evil. how can anyone approve of this

Anyone who approves of ICE is broken or evil or both. No exceptions

My favorite thing about JD Vance is that nobody likes him

If 2016 Donald Trump were to meet 2026 Donald Trump, the younger guy would make mocking tasteless jokes about the older, dying guy

Nuremberg trials for ICE is the moderate position

I wonder how many Democratic politicians expected to answer the question 'what did you do to fight the fascists?' with "In the spirit of bipartisan cooperation, I voted to fund the Gestapo"

[releases helium-filled heart balloon]

Me: You're free now

Balloon: Ima choke a bird