Goddamnit, Wolfe

OH THATS what they mean when they said sparks were flying in the bedroom

It has been a while tbf

Wanna sword fight?

Life hack, post a dick pic just before you go for a nap

You’ll either sleep through your shame if it bombs, or you’ll wake up to people saying they like your moisture seeking missile

The image shows a close-up of a hand holding a penis against a background with dim, colorful lighting.

You know, I didn’t hate this one

A person with a thick beard and hairy chest is lying on a bed, partially covered by a blanket, wearing black underwear. The image is taken from a top-down perspective. The background features dark bedding and some furniture.

That’s enough being awake time for me today.

Jysk, but many many moons ago

Love when our cycles sync

A person with a prominent beard and styled hair is standing shirtless in a room with purple lighting. The background features a modern decor style with a few objects visible. The person appears to be looking down, possibly at a device.

Return of the funbags because I’m having a hot flush

Thank you for volunteering to explain it

I will be unreachable for several weeks during this

My mother just mis referred to a clean and jerk as a “snatch and gape”.

She’s 65, I can’t tell if it’s more dangerous to tell her, or not tell her.

My sweater meat will not be returning in the latest Avengers slop

Idk just wait for me to need attention again.

Two spring rolls in a small holder, a container of stir-fried noodles with vegetables, a glass of iced tea, and a pair of chopsticks on a marble table.

I hope you’re all enjoying your break from my constant hooters pics

Dairy freeee

We’ll get them when you’re up

Cheap under cupboard LEDs and slammed up the contrast

Y’know, like the 90s

A glass of iced cold brew with a metal straw is positioned next to a vegan Simpsons style donut, all set against a dark marble surface.

Waited all night for this shittttt 🖤

Got coffee✔️
Polished the pork sword ✔️✔️
Ate three donuts✔️
Tumbled into bed for a post nut nap✔️
Dyed beard
Brought down capitalism

I wonder if I can make that a contractual obligation…

Here I thought I worked in tech, didn’t realize my real job is massaging the egos of NPCs on The Apps

As if you’d need to second text

Honestly, if I don’t respond immediately the best thing you can do is send me another five messages ending with an aggressive rant.

I’m definitely not just living an actual life or busy, and the final vague yet insulting message is absolutely what drops my panties.

A bowl of rice mixed with vegetables including carrots, bell peppers, and bok choy, topped with tofu and edamame. A pink drink is in a clear cup beside it, and chopsticks are resting on the table next to the bowl.

Re obsessed with rice cooker meals

But like hella poor, and I think my sperm donor is alive somewhere

A good boy knows when to apologize and be submissive 🖤

😅 bsky.app/profile/stop...

A shirtless person with a thick beard is lying back, making a face and wearing tusk teeth. The room has soft lighting, with a bookshelf visible in the background.

Just wanted to know if I could pull them off tbh

I keep doing the 90s movie trailer intro when I do stuff

“IN A WORLDDD, WHERE WOLFGANG HAS MADE FRIED RICEEEEE”

It really does get me off the hook from posting actual thought out content

A person with a beard and piercings taking a selfie while sitting on a couch. They are shirtless, with an arm resting on a pillow, and the setting has colorful lighting. Various items are visible on the couch, including a laptop and remotes.

Missing a few meals lately really did me no harm

Get that pluggggg