Dandara - The Reverie

🥀

At all costs

Vc falou isso antes q eu pudesse falar, então a mensagem passou

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Xena opened her eyes.

She saw her own body on the ground, stained blood on the carpets and a stabbed knife in the heart.

"Farewell, Cayle, may fate take your soul to a better place"

The blessing state is complete.

"You took advantage of my situation and blessed me. Do not override my state with some other existence that can't handle the void"

Truely remarcable, to raise conflict with a god.

Now, wake up.

Her eyes widened for a moment and she shivered.

It glowed in cosmic flames, along her red piercing eyes.

Clothing appeared around her, coming from the flames of the sword.

A black and white coat, covering a dark wine shirt. Dark greyish pants and black heels.

She was so large, her eyelids would take full seconds to blink.

You are now-

"I know what I am"

...

Them proclaim your title by yourself.

"I am Xena, the Valkyrie of the void"

She looked back and unsheated a glazing violet, stained with scarlet shadows sword from pure nothingness.

Lyra, with her colossal body, was kneed down between the buildings and taller then all of them combined, layed down her hand. Palm up.

Climb over

The ethereal being floated up towards the middle of the palm, and thus, Lyra brought her hand back up and looked at her, closely.

Their face was staring into her from the heavens, like the sun, but it wasn't bright.

It felt like a black hole, it felt like darkness.

"This... is my void?"

Yes, dear existence, this is your void, nothing here is real.

"Then lend me your hand"

Exactly, you are meant for the void.

She looked up.

Her surroundings were no longer her house. Her clothes were stripped off.

She was naked in the middle of the empty street, looking up into a new red sky among the greyish land filled with human creations.

Maybe that was her world.

"This is my world"

Maybe, she knew what she was long ago, but couldn't understand what it meant.

"I am a blessing. Not a good one, but also, not a bad one"

Perhaps, she could comprehend herself.

"I am an existence meant for inexistence"

The next morning, she woke up.

She climbed down the stairs and went for a cup of water. Drinking it while looking out the window.

"I see it"

The world... was black and white. Not a trace of red, or blue, or green... nothing.

But maybe that is her wish.

"That is my wish"

Now the world went quiet.

There was not a sound but the slight whistle of wind.

A soft breeze that crossed paths on her ears, cooling off her face, expressionless...

She fell asleep right there, with the darkness and the wind.

As if she was the only thing alive in the world.

99%

And blood. Pumping strongly on her veins and fueling her body, warm like a flame.

100%

The moonlight bathing her lips while her mouth breathed in sorrow.

96%

Her arms, raising and lowering in perfect arches along her hair.

97%

Her mind rushing with billions of thoughts that ran like electrons in a giant current.

98%

Her tears running down her face that brightened up her cheeks.

Consistent, sad, emotional, everything that is intense was there, bundled up into a pile of soundwaves emitted by the suffering of a giant puppet of flesh and bones.

90%

Her hands played the most heart breaking melody to the world, while her eyes were closed, enjoying the darkness anew...

95%

That song, the one she played while still at her country.

It was her only thought of safety at the moment.

"I shall make this my performance for god, to show my suffering to the angels, and my strife to the world."

The most perfect music could be heard from afar, even from outside of the house.

At one night, she snapped.

"I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM

WHAT AM I DOING

WHY AM I HERE

ARE THESE PEOPLE REAL? IS MY LIFE REAL? WHERE ARE THE COLORS WHERE ARE THE COLORS WHERE ARE THE SHAPES WHERE ARE THE FEELINGS"

She cried for several hours straight. Until at some point, she went toward the old piano

Every day, each day, the world turned gray while the sky turned red.

The clouds turned pink while the streets turned black.

Her skin turned pale while her sclera went dark.

And the more time passes, the less she can ignore the pain.

"WHO AM I WHO AM I WHO AM I WHO AM I WHO AM I WHO AM I"

80%

One day, her vision was blurry and her breath was shaky.

She ran up the stairs of her new house and looked in the mirror.

Her eyes were slowly losing their original color and turning red.

Her hair was slowly turning grey.

She was not that old, 24 years isn't much, neither enough for that.

Weeks of "finding a job", "buying a house", "saving for food and water" went by.

But the agony in her chest never truely left.

What was it? What caused it?

Was that trauma?
Was that regret?
Was that grudge?

He bought a passage to another country, matters not which. He just wanted to disappear.

And so he did.

Day after day after day surviving and trying to restart a new life with a new identity.

She was now Kali. Similar, but different.

Living as a woman was not easy. She felt the struggle herself.

You do understand that living means suffering, regardless of the being you are, do you not?

"I do, but... it still seems better then trying to figure out the purpose of my existence by myself and my rational mind"

Cayle slowly would deteriorate, his vision become sepia and his eyes red.

"I can't"

Would you like to try being a woman?

"I thought I wanted to, but...

I don't think that is the case"

Then what is it?

"I don't know what i wish to be. I don't even know if I wish to be human. The flowers in the garden seemed so happy, the cats and dogs seemed so fine..."

The next morning, they woke up in the floor.

Looked around for a few seconds and breathed.

The cellphone was buzzing again, mother was calling.

They hung up. Not even accepted the call.

Evident eye sacks and pale skin.

"Today... I want...

I want to..."

To?

50%

He played until his fingers gave up, until his mind strayed, until his head fell against the keys asleep.

It mattered not the notes, it mattered not the melodies, it mattered the feeling.

A slow paced rythm in thirds, consistently in minor keys and off keys, nothing truely mattered at that moment.

Only the tears running down his face and the pain rolling up his chest.

"Can I make my day into a song?"

He questioned while staring the ceiling.

He looked to the side and saw the full moon through his window. Watched it for a moment.

...

...

He stood up.

Ran down the stairs towards his piano and started playing.

At night, he was lying in his bed, bathed by moonlight, then thought to himself.

"Flowers... kids... adults... food... streets... cars... rocks, lamps, houses, trashcans, clouds, the sun, the sky, the ground, water..."

The memories of the day repeating, looping around his brain in leaps.