Weaz 🦇

FINE I will rent one of those jet packs and propel myself into the water at the navy pier at top speed after Noah Wyle insults me

If Noah Wyle looked at my butt like that I would jump off the highest bridge in Pittsburgh

If Noah Wyle talked to me like that I I would simply throw myself off the tallest bridge in Chicago

today in "predicted by 30 Rock"

I still hold out hope that the surviving California Raisins will put aside their differences and reunite before time runs out.

Fucking hell

Top 5 Vampires:
-Dracula (Bram Stoker original novel)
-Alucard (Hellsing, who is also Dracula)
-Alucard (Castlevania, who is not Dracula)
-Dracula (Castlevania)
-The Count (Sesame Street, who they claim is not actually a vampire)

Heard a loud crash in the basement followed by Chadwick thundering up the stairs with a look on her face like “I have never done anything wrong in my life”

A post broke containment and it wasn’t even about pizza!!!!

Ellen DeGeneres is Edie Falco’s Wario

A freshly made pepperoni pizza with fresh basil on top. She’s well done, which means their ovens are legit. This pizza was, hands down, simply the best I’ve ever had.

Here the pizza we had today

Part of the reason James and I didn’t go se OBAA today is because there were so many fucking showings of Tron Ares that there wasn’t a convenient time to see what we wanted 😠

childs drawing of a stylish man saying 'sup ladies' This is what I will look like when I am 100 years old

James and I still say “I’m a Texas ranger. It’s kind of a big deal” all the time

RIP Diane Keaton you were so cool and I loved you in The First Wives Club

Ok so after we left here we ran over to a fancy wine shop that was having a charity tasting and I bought a bottle of the CioCaro there lol

His mom thanked me profusely, that’s right, I rock

A bottle of the Chad Pinot noir

The virgin merlot vs the

They also have a claw machine filled with little rubber ducks and I won a duck but I gave it to a little kid who was watching me play so intently I thought it was trying to shatter the glass with his mind

I am an elderly Italian man I guess bec I really like it!!!

An extensive list of amaros at a pizza place in N Wilmington

I’m at Nick’s Pizza and the amaro list goes crazy

The curry one got me bec I was like, sorry, wrong number. And they were like “oh, this isn’t Samantha?” so I googled “curry dinner scam” and sure enough that’s a thing

RETVRN

Hey, are you still coming over for curry dinner tomorrow

(Have you ever gotten his specific spam text? Or the one about if you’re going golfing?)

The very same!

Chadwick, an all black cat with green eyes, staring into you very soul. She knows your innermost secrets. She only has a little bit of food in her whiskers

How can a cat make fun of you!!? you might ask
When she looks at you like this

Put on some Pitbull this morning to psych myself up to do a few small chores & everyone made fun of my grape vining (the Zumba class I used to go to would warm up to Pitbull songs, so much grape vining) including Chadwick so that’s how my day is going

I do have hydrocortisone cream (thanks to my son who has crazy bad reactions to mosquito bites), I’m gonna give that a try

I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what it is, I am in hell!!! My earlobes are all itchy and bumpy