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Oh hai and good evening. ☺️

Quoting myself. I started writing again! Not ready to share it yet, but it's out there if you know where to find me. Might move it somewhere more prominent, might not. It's pretty rough and raw but it's frank and authentic, and I think I've developed a less fatalistic voice from my emotional growth.

"But the parts of me that are slowly healing end up holding those other parts of me, and although that makes it okay, it also takes most of my emotional and cognitive energy. That’s why it’s so hard to do anything sometimes.

But I guess that means I am doing something. I’m healing."

Final word, write it down; say no more, move along.

There's something beautifully strong about being able to shatter without falling apart. Letting them see you in your fractured state, healing before their very eyes.

Check it once, check it twice; check it again, check it thrice.

Mostly because you get to empty the bucket safely when you're ready to let to go.

Correctly placing one's legitimate rage in the appropriate bucket instead of turning it all inward is such a powerful thing.

The psychic backlash from throwing it all away. The twisting of the real world into what we see today. The brave faces over reality torn in two, the protestation of happiness so blatantly untrue. Lives narrowed to a single point are lived in fear of all.

Grief *is* weird. All the love for ya if ya need it. ♥️✨♥️

I stopped carrying around other people's disappointment today, and then I realized it's the key to approaching life openly. Everything feels different this time.

Person laying in bed with a fuzzy white small dog laying on their body.

Just a boy (45) and their dog. 😍

In chatting to random people about snowboarding, fielding questions about the closed bar at the show (ppl always think I'm staff for some reason 😂) and testing out local game stores, I've felt teenage me saying "What, we can be a whole person existing in the world?!" & I love showing them that. ♥️

I have a day trip snowboarding on Thursday, then seeing TUSK (the Fleetwood Mac tribute band) on Friday evening.

Spent this past three-day weekend doing so much stuff that I got through about two weeks of self-asks and important life tasks.

Absolutely loving all my new decor and room arrangements.

Sitting in my newly renovated (and still improving) crafts & computer corner (all the c's hehehe) listening to Florence on the big speakers. Reminds me of being 17 laying on my bed with the stereo cranked to block out the world. Weaving a connective fabric back to teenage me is complex & necessary ♥️

Teenage me wanted tattoos so bad, and always felt like they were things that weren't available to me for various reasons. Fast forward to bantering with the staff at the tattoo shop booth this past weekend, and it's no wonder I feel deeply at peace today. ♥️

Reflecting on punching through half a days' work in about 90 minutes because I'm working with people who can communicate clearly. 🙏

Clear communication might be the thing I need above all else in any situation. Removing ambiguity and just being straightforward is such a beautifully short path to resolution, and saves so much time vs, for example, trying to get X to work when moving on to Y was the answer all along.

Given the current and likely future state of the world, this is both such a me thing to happen and also timely for navigating it. Also worth noting that said current state of the world has nothing to do with this year being that for me, it's just where I am in my process. ❤️

YouTube video by ScarredRomeo The Crow - "It can't rain all the time."

If you've never seen "The Crow" then this won't make a lot of sense (even with the clip, there's the whole rest of the context of the movie that's missing) but I'm discovering that 2025 is, emotionally and mentally, my "can't rain all the time" year.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Fi7...

a man wearing a suit and tie is making a funny face Alt: Mr Bean- a man wearing a suit and tie is making a funny face

Me buying a travel sewing kit in the convention hotel gift shop to use a clothes pin as a toothpick.

a pink flower with the words " think pink " on it ALT: a pink flower with the words " think pink " on it

(But not in 2025 🤭)

Tonight I drove to a game store and watched some Commander games happen. Didn't actually talk to anyone because it took all my emotional bandwidth to even get there and go inside, but I'm happy I did that much. Surprised myself with how calm I felt. Maybe next week I'll be able to engage! 😂

I've been playing Hello Kitty Island Adventure since the Steam release. The devs gated the content and specifically designed the game to break if you time travel, and it's honestly been so freeing to have a "slow game" to check in with. It's helping me to have games as a hobby instead of an escape.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Who's to say? 🤔

Plants wallpaper added to a formerly white wall. Four guitars hanging on a custom oak trim hanger I made.

Replaced old outlets with new ones!

Okay well, it seems like friends, creators, and most non-Facebook socials users are finding a footing here, so UwU hewwo, here's part of a room makeover I did dis weekend. More later in the week when some stuff arrives! 😍

(Replaced two cracked/yellowed outlets with shiny new ones along the way!)

It's interesting feeling at peace with myself regardless of whether I'm happy or sad. Thinking about the future without it crushing the present. Recognizing my wants and needs without the emptiness winning. Loving those important to me without the insecurities. Didn't know this was possible!

Oh hi, I forgot this existed! 🤭 Reading some stuff I posted here a year ago, all I can say is, wow, so much changes in a year in such a good way. 🥰

Iggy! A white Chihuahua.

A doggo for your consideration!

Gotta catch 'em all!

*Retrofuture synth plays*

Things have escalated with Beetle

Draw a series of boxes inside each other. Yourself is in the center. Lines can connect and overlap, boxes almost merge entirely, but you're still you in the center, a coherent whole. I used to think this would be isolating, but it's so rewarding to see me, and be who I am in the world.