Tony Murray

After I posted this today, Facebook told me they would no longer be reccomending my profile.

They didn't explain why.

My big money-making idea for today is a proprietary new website that combines saucy moonlighting gym teachers and bestiality...

OnlyFans and Horses

This time next year, we'll be millionaires!

Pointless Political Jargon Dubiously Demystified: Number 1

"Today, we're going to have a look through the Overton Window..."

(Coming Soon: "Freddy Dunning-Kruger: The Shit Serial Killer Who Thinks He Could Out-Massacre Michael Myers)

Me...

...when a longstanding chum suddenly outs themselves online as a Trump-loving vaccine-denier...

Trump's behaviour is always idiotically idiosyncratic.
Whenever he enters the orbit of Putin, though, there is a gravitational pull that distorts it beyond its usual moronic trajectory.
The 'kompromat' theory has conspiracy written all over it, but where else does reverse engineering take you?

How I wish 'stagflation' meant an increased risk of, say, giant caribou in the Cotswolds...

Banding together to fight enormous elks (etc) could unite the people of Britain and help heal our Wounded Land.

In 1973, On The Buses won an Australian Logie Award for Best British TV Show.

That's quite the indictment for Australia, British TV and 1973.

Little known facts...

1. A 2025 smartwatch has more processing power than the 1968 mainframe that took Apollo 11 to the moon.

2. The 1974 Whizzer and Chips Annual contains, approximately, 1.8 million times more wisdom and actionable insights than the whole of LinkedIn ever.

Now that we're deciding how wise folk are purely on the basis of their bank balance, it would be useful if all correspondents here could, in future, attach a recent tax statement so I know whether to take their views seriously or not.

Cheers.

When an obscure jurisdiction falls to a grossly unfit leader, it's a matter of local lament.

When it's the US, it ushers in a Dark Age that afflicts those with no stake or say in their ascendancy.

To be fair to Meta (unfashionable!), with its major rival in the White House and a history of Bad Blood, the return of Trump represented an extinction level event for the company.

It won't be the only business, institution or nation forced to compromise itself to survive the next four years.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned..."

"How, my son?"

"I'm having impure thoughts about Nadine Dorries..."

"Son, there's not enough Hail Mary's in the world to get you off this one. You're off Jesus' Sunbeam List for eternity. You may as well stick a firey trident up your arse right now..."

The guy's done. I suspect even the Christmas specials in the can will not air. He's on his way to some has-been at-right nutter channel, before heading for a Where are They Now? spot in the Daily Star in 2034

Do you want to put money on that?

If, like me, your view of Ireland is tempered by misty-eyed views of long-dead, never-met rellies, Brexit-busting passport opportunities and bouts of faux St Paddy's prompted patriotism, then this book will be quite the revelation...

One day, though, there will be a GB News Xmas party where some lone woke wolf takes a scimitar to the likes of Gregg, Farage, Daubney, Holmes, Rees-Mogg etc.

And it’s going to be awful for many of us, what with all the trying to keep a straight face while nodding faux solemnly.

Gregg Wallace’s mainstream media career is over and everything he says now is his audition for a GB News afterlife, where the perpetually priapic pudding pundit will bravely front the fight against Women of a Certain Kind forevermore.

Say what you like about Gregg Wallace, but I think we have to acknowledge his sterling work in giving countless HR and PR people on LinkedIn all the material they need to make identical posts over and over again...

Right, with Round One seeing the Assisted Dying Bill approved, we're now at the Nomination Stage...

Cuddly Toy Historic Re-Enactment of the Day: No.1

Culloden.

Oh look — an evil being that believes it is the supreme ruler of the galaxy and is destined to subjugate all of Humanity...

And a Dalek.

I don't know about all this Assisted Dying.

Once you get over 60, it seems to come naturally, a little every day.

Plus — does this mean Esther will be the future Reg-Varney-Enfield-Cash-Machine Trivial Pursuits kind of question?

While we all knew it was theoretically possible, how reassuring it is to see the House of Commons stage a grown-up debate.

Shame we will only ever see it on such rare occasions as the Assisted Dying Bill.

Name aside, it's clearly a filthy Hobbit.

Wherever you stand on the issue, I can’t go over Esther ‘That’s Life’ Rantzen reinventing herself as the (Kindly) Angel of (Assisted) Death.

It’s like discovering the late Arthur Negus was, discreetly, a dab hand at dubstep.

Or that Michael McIntyre once hosted a Comedy Masterclass.

Police find 'visibly startled' garden gnome made of MDMA during drugs bust The four pound gnome was discovered by Dongemond Police during a large drug bust.

I've got 'Bilbo Baggies' - what you got?

metro.co.uk/2024/11/27/p...

Good.

Brillo Doctor Who Dad Joke of the Day...

Is it quarter to nine?

Not Yeti!

Thanking you.

Even now, the UK retains a civilised veneer...