Kit Carter

"I'm about to ruin this man's whole career." I say as I hold my arm out to the little old lady on the crosswalk.

Radiating aura as I speed run burnout

The person who redesigned the apple photos app should be shot and killed

My algorithm here does not get me. I'm just getting like- a ton of rabbit posts. No two are from the same account.

I don't even like rabbits. Never had one, ne'er ate one. Rabbits and I have always kept to ourselves and my entire feed is plastered w em.

My rising sign is "and shine"

Brainstorming lies like
"I got my cap thinking cap on"

1) this comic is 69 years old.
2) aight

So the punchline is coincidence. And we're all ok with this?

Yes, but how does the scale know? And why does his weight insinuate he doesn't clean up after himself???

Me when I lose the cereal eating contest

What the hell does this mean

Me trying to show a pic off my phone to a coworker without accidentally flashing them

Taking my dog's collar off at the end of the day because if I can take my bra off she can take off her's too.

Really craving some gruel right about now. No one makes slop like they used to.

Brb I'm matching MY OWN freak.

AI took my job a few years ago, and the only person who really knows my pain is Charlie Bucket's dad at the beginning of that Tim Burton Wonka film.

I'm either ballin' or I'm bawlin'

Sometimes when we empathize with others, we think about if their sickness was put on top of our health. We don't think about what if our health were taken away.

In other words- I gave myself a bowlcut and lost my pretty privilege. Got a lotta thinkin to do.

I want a 6 pack and skittles, nary the two shall meet.

"We are so back."

But in a measured way. Because we've been "back" before, and didn't go very well.

"It's always 'How now?' never 'why now?'."

- Brown Cow

I'm not here to get political but y'all see how the masses are thirsting after this Luigi guy?

Incels... take notes. Ok? That's all.

Ngl the "eat hot chip and lie" lifestyle is looking more and more appealing each day

You can keep your drugs. I'm getting slizzard on life.

You're telling me a pro lapsed this anus?

Y'all think dogs know not to look at the sun?