Ransu

I'll do it around the 30th or 31st
whichever gives me the opportunity

it's been a real bad run.

you said you'll die by 30
I'll best you at one thing, for once

my laptop failed to reformat properly.
wonder if this is a sign I'll fail my suicide attempt a few weeks later.

i can't wait to die...

No one that can stop me will see these.
prolly the only reason i can vent here as much as i can, while i can.

shut off
the thoughts
please.

the only thing i can wish for is that i hope i don't end up hating the things i like most before i die.

let me keep something.
please.

my head.
it's too loud.
make it stop.

it's too early.
not yet.
i haven't written everything yet.

ironically enough, getting sick would make dying harder since it'll get in the way of plans. it will be worse if i get hospitalized since all my methods will be locked away from me.

I've uninstalled MD, Limbus and GFL2 now

i feel like BA is next.

maybe during my last day I'll have HI3 with me, as it was my companion all these years.

it's crazy

it feels like i care less and less about things as days goes on

like nothing matters anymore since I'm dying anyway.

only one person can prolly stop me and talk some sense to me

but that person is unreachable and living a peaceful life, they don't need to trouble themselves with a man who wants to die

everyday I'm getting ideas how to peacefully end my life

is this how being suicidal feels like?

i wanna die so much already
the voices won't stop

i wish i fell in love with someone unreachable and impossible instead of someone so close to me but i can't touch

I'm gonna lose it all aren't I?
if I'm gonna be left with nothing, wouldn't it be better if i just disappear too?

I want to vent and crash out so bad but i really don't have an outlet. I'm so overloaded that i can't even process what's breaking me anymore. been so frustrated and upset and destroyed for months.

happy place
find a happy place

everyday i can feel the pain in my chest and in my head. i want to give up so bad.

it's so pitiful that the only reason I'm still alive is cuz suicide prolly hurts a lot. otherwise i think i would've fully committed a long time ago.

i don't wanna live in pain anymore.

Interlude

Prelims day 2

Prelims Day 1

bad headspace again
it's barely a month since the last time
think I'm regressing

Tfw logging out of an app still gives you notifications
what gives?
i need a break qwq

guess it is a telling I'm breaking down when i start drowning my schedule. keep my mind occupied, you know?

being tempted
but i need a good reason to play GBF again
since i already ended things so peacefully last year

let's keep that new year goal as simple as last year

just try to be happier this year than last year