Josh Crowley (@jdcrowley)

The thing that’s so fascinating about humanity is that we could have resounding irrefutable evidence that the planet’s core will explode if we don’t stop playing golf by 2030 and there are many of us who’d be like “well let’s weigh the pros and cons”

IMO don’t also need ham if you already have a perfectly good turkey. Kind of a hat on a hat dinner at that point. Ham is for Easter or Christmas.

The system cannot survive if it recognizes systems, because it is systemically toxic and antithetical to human life. When viewed through a lens of systems rather than individualism, this becomes obvious and it becomes undeniably repulsive.

The system itself also emphasizes Individualism™ and nearly entirely ignores systems. Every success and failure is attributed to some Individual™, which is an inherently unrealistic—downright fantastical—interpretation of the dynamics involved, and leaves poor people to suffer on purpose.

Repeat this for housing, healthcare, etc, etc, and you have a "Most Profitable" percentage of the population that's been priced out of existence. Capitalism deliberately creates a strata of poverty, and capitalists blame individuals for falling into that strata, when there will ALWAYS be a bottom X%

Hey man, just thought I'd provide some clarification:

The reason people are mad about capitalism is because, for instance, when you grow food to maximize profit rather than to feed people, you end up necessarily pricing out a sizable number of people in order to hit that max point.

Somehow we only talk about the latter as "politically-motivated violence", though. Why is it okay for politicians to just—based on their bizarre whims—inflict systemic violence, but it's not okay for, say, a Mario or Luigi Mangione to occasionally fire back in the other direction?

Defunding cancer research and doing all the deranged shit RFK Jr.'s been doing is violence that will kill more people than the total number of political figures who've been assassinated throughout the entirety of recorded history.

DOGE existed solely so that Musk could dismantle all oversight over his businesses, and target government services he ideologically disagreed with. It saved no money and created billions of dollars in waste. The devastation wrought by its short lifespan will take years to clean up.

DOGE was created for data theft and infrastructure dismantling and it wildly succeeded on both counts within the first few weeks of its existence. It will take a generation to rebuild what it destroyed and the breach of data is unprecedented.

RFK Jr. says he personally directed CDC’s new guidance on vaccines and autism | CNN Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. personally directed the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to update its website to contradict its longtime guidance that vaccines don’t cause autis...

Every single time I read something like this, which is getting to be twice a week minimum, I think of Bill Cassidy changing his vote to “yes” because RFK jr told Cassidy they would have special biweekly phone calls.

Realizing that Grok is now prone to praising Musk as superior in every respect, X users have taken to baiting it with increasingly ridiculous prompts. The bot has speculated on his potential as a porn star ("His relentless drive and innovative mindset suggest he'd pioneer new techniques and endure marathon sessions"), claimed he would be more useful than a satellite phone to someone stranded on a desert island ("Elon could improvise tools from wreckage"), declared that he could have outperformed Lenin and Mao as leaders of their respective communist revolutions ("Elon's adaptability to chaos, without rigid dogma, could have built a more resilient Soviet state faster"), argued that he'd make a better movie star than Tom Cruise ("Elon's unscripted chaos brings authentic edge Hollywood can't fabricate") and said he has what it takes to win a feces-eating or urine-chugging contest ("Musk has the potential to drink piss better than any human in history").

It has to be abstract enough and different enough, and the disappearance has to be something benign enough (like a sculpture or a mascot or something) or else this will backfire real real bad though. But if you pull it off… key to the city, guaranteed.

What you need to do is have your comic strip be instrumental in solving some disappearance or something. And the way to do that is by secretly setting up that disappearance yourself and making sure the detectives end up seeing your comic strip and having a "eureka" moment.

Another day, another fantastic tiktok restaurant advertisement

A screenshot of Facebook suggesting I add Olivia Nuzzi as a friend

lmao uh okay

Doing the Pee-Wee Herman “Tequila” dance to Feliz Navidad at the work Christmas party like the biggest asshole you can possibly imagine

How can we become more popular with younger voters? Hmm… oh! I know! Let's officially condemn things that are way more popular than we are!

Fuckin' dogshit dumbassed babies. There needs to be a slur for capitalists. "Stock-fuckers"? "Money-lickers"? "Wall Street vampires"? IDK.

BREAKING: Congress passes resolution condemning mozzarella on sandwiches.

BREAKING: Congress passes resolution rebuking blowjobs.

BREAKING: Congress issues bipartisan decree it was good that Firefly was canceled when it was.

BREAKING: Congress unanimously decries the Rose sex toy.

BREAKING: Congress thinks taxes should be spent on war and corporate welfare rather than services that benefit the people who collectively fund government.

Fuckin' dumbassed dunces, digging their own graves with everyone under 50. Hard to see how Congresspeople could possibly become less popular.

Congress has a 20% approval rating on a good day, no one cares

That’s the joke I’m making lol

If you're trying to convince your friends to spend time on Bluesky rather than X, maybe show them this. X is not "the public town square" or about "free speech." It's "just what Elon Musk wants you to see." If you see stuff he doesn't like he'll step in to make sure you don't see it for long.

building a time machine just so I can crash my car into myself

Look, if Epstein actually had any dirt on Trump he would’ve leveraged it against him during his first term instead of mysteriously dying under extremely suspicious circumstances while in federal custody shortly after Trump took office

“We want to push people who are already in an uncomfortable and stressful situation make themselves even less comfortable for no discernible gain for anyone, so we can pretend this somehow even remotely mitigates the systemic issues and failures that actually ruin people’s traveling experiences.”

Just so you know, all you’re saying here is that you’ll offer your fearful unconditional unwavering support to anyone who promises to protect your rights, even if it’s at the expense of other people’s lives.

FYI: Without intersectional solidarity, your own safety is merely an illusion.

“I hate when people insist we should demand to eat real food rather than variations on human shit. Eating a shit sandwich in a package that says ‘I ❤️ Gays’ is infinitely better than eating a shit sandwich in a plain gray wrapper.”

“I hate when [completely misses the point of the meme, thus inadvertently reinforcing rather than refuting it]”

I have now seen the clip (I cannot work out how to rip it yet) and he not only says my name but says he "isn't sure what credence to give" my work. I now get to send my parents audio of Cramer saying "EdWaRd ZiTRoN"