Simply Sim🥺n

what was this guy’s fucking problem

Is that true? My God. Fuck everything.

Apple Card total of $69.69. Nice.

*checking out his Apple Pay card total just now* NIIIIIIIICCCCCEEEEEEEE

When you’re getting absolutely owned by the Dutch late night hosts we have truly found a level of rock bottom that has not ever been seen before…

Jimmy Fallon staring into the mirror right now:

“All right, buddy. It’s hero time. Right? RIGHT?!?!”

It’s an episode of Celebrity Family Feud and I wish I was joking.

There’s not an eye roll conceived by man powerful enough to convey what I felt seeing this

Yep, that’s a beer to the left of the computer screen

Taking this Driver’s Safety Course very seriously

Just successfully talked someone down from a really bad weed high. Still got it after all these years….

Best day of their lives

screenshot of Matt Yglesias’s once public flicker account, showing him and his wife right after getting married, holding up a marriage certificate. she’s making the same face Tom Jones was making in that one Simpsons episode where Smithers was pointing a gun on his back, and Matt has a Thousand-Island stare in his eyes matt’s caption for the photo is “Its official”

okay, this is the funniest photo ever

RFK Jr. at a Senate Hearing today. Looks and talks like he’s made of leather.

When you Nut but she keeps sucking, also your dumbass once covered up a bear murder in Central Park.

Same

The opening credits of “Taxi”?

trying to imagine firefighters getting dispatched to this house and the absolute nightmare that would be

Those eyes 😍

Congrats 🎊🎉

Everything in the current American Government is sick to its fucking core.

YouTube video by Zachary Reed Bob and Tom Lawyer Minute

Pretty much the same joke here youtu.be/tEWhAQVfNew?...

Henry Kissinger death day x 10,000

Affluent White Man Enjoys, Causes The Blues

Affluent White Man Enjoys, Causes The Blues https://theonion.com/affluent-white-man-enjoys-causes-the-blues-1819565488/

Here’s the item they’re talking about. Not only is it one of the funniest Trump quotes I’ve ever read, it’s confirmation if you take it at face value that like every single other thing in his life he sees Heaven as purely transactional

Had my first experience ever filing an HR complaint today and *SPOILER ALERT* you’ll never believe it but it turns out they’re pretty fucking useless at taking care of anything.

Same

Finally done with Twitter/X. Goodbye, and good riddance…

Vrunt getting banned is an absolutely obscenity I can’t believe that would stand.

16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Case 5:24-cv-00625-JSM-PRL Document 100 Q Exhibit 30 -- A She was upset. She was jealous. Exhibit 30 is your response to her; can you read that out loud to me? "Hey, Marjorie. Remember when you destroyed your family so you could have sex with a Zangief cosplayer? Tell me again how you and the Arby's in 2000 0337 your pants" -- yeah. That was widely reported. I 2 3 mean, that's why she got divorced. And that divorce records -- Q No. No. Read the tweet. A "Are representatives of the GOP. You couldn't even run your own family. Don't tell me how to run my free speech." 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 0338 Okay. So when you -- A But you're not showing the -- the screenshot. It's like intentionally blurred out. I don't know why you blurred it out. But it showed a document where somebody who she had an affair with showed text messages of her having an affair, and it was well-documented. It was in text messages. And it's the reason why she ended up getting divorced from her husband, Perry, who I know. 'Cause when -- at the time, during my campaign, they were married, and they came to my event. And it's well-known. And she's even admitted to it that they got divorced because of her marital infidelity. So -- • Right. Can you explain to me what it means -- Filed 07/31/25 Page 152 of 228 PagelD A But I don't understand why you blurred it out. It's blurred out. 3 4 Q Can you explain -- MR. KLAYMAN: Objection. Relevancy. BY MS. BOLGER: Q Can you explain to me what it means to say 7 to her that "the Arby's in her pants"? A Well, Arby's -- 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 0339 MR. KLAYMAN: Objection. Relevancy. BY MS. BOLGER: Q Answer the question. A Arby's sells roast beef. Q Right. Can you tell me what -- why you were talking about "the Arby's in her pants"? Well, it's just a -- an expression. Q What is the expression trying to convey? It conveys the reason why she got a divorce by her own admission. Q Because she had roast beef in her pants? …

1| case 5.24-Cv-Os inGeM-PRL Document 2001 saying she put Arby's in her pants? 2 A I'm saying she literally -- it's so 3 ridiculous. I'm saying she literally put Arby's in 4 her pants. Yes. MR. KLAYMAN: Objection. Relevancy. BY MS. BOLGER: Q You're not making a slur about her? 8 A No. 9 You're literally saying she put an Arby's 101 sandwich in her pants; is that right? 11 A Yes. That's correct. That's correct. 12 Why are you laughing? 13 Because I just think it's so funny. 14 Q What is your basis for saying she put Arby's 15 in her pants? 16 A I just think it's so funny. I just think 17 it's so funny. 18 Q What is your basis for saying she put Arby's 19 in her pants? 20 A She carries roast beef in her pockets. 21 What is your basis for saying she puts roast 22 beef in her pockets and in her pants? 0340 1 2 MR. KLAYMAN: Objection. Relevancy. Harassment. 3 THE WITNESS: Because I know she likes 4 roast beef. 5 BY MS. BOLGER: 6 Q So what is your basis for saying she had 7 Arby's in her pants? 8 A Because I know she likes to eat at Arby's. 9 Q And she likes to put it in her pants; you 10 know that? 11 Yeah. 12 She puts Arby's in her pants? 13 Yeah. She does. 14 Q 15 Okay. If I ask Marjorie Taylor Greene, she would tell you that she puts Arby's in her pants? 16 A I -- it's my best belief that she would tell 17 you that. Yes. 18 Q Okay. Are you making a derogatory comment 19 about her sex life by talking about Arby's in her 20 pants? 21 22 A No. I'm talking about Arby's, the sandwiches. I'm talking about Arby's. I would -- I'm 0341 3 8 a very direct person. If I was making a derogatory comment, I would have said it. I just think it's so funny because I -- I feel like you would understand it if you actually hadn't blurred the photo, but it's blurred. Q We didn't blur a photo. There may be have been some kind of copy editor, but we'll get you a better copy of it, if that's right. Filed 07/31/25 Page 153 of 228 PagelD

“What is your basis for saying she puts roast beef in her pockets and in her pants?”

I don’t even know where to begin.

You just have to read these two pages.

Jesus Christ no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO

A bird called a Tit on top of a tennis ball with a lower third graphic from WGN saying “GREAT TITS SHOW SIGNS OF DIVORCE”

Someone at WGN had too much fun writing this graphic