Andy Barr

Pouring myself another coff of cuppy and getting down to the world's dumbest work

Yeah, that's the stuff

Writing a new show: 10% analysing material to ascertain common themes and throughlines, 90% exorcising useless mind-worm phrases such as 'some people bonk I'm thinkers'

Well done to whoever snapped that picture of Andrew in the car - he's crying now. Or at least he would be, had he not suffered that catastrophic adrenal overdose in the Gulf...

[Spotting some shit on the pavement]: now that's vintage Keir

BREAKING: Defiant Starmer changes state from vapour to 'viscous, determined' liquid - Powell

Just to save time: both the Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, and incoming Prime Minister, Wes Streeting, have my full confidence and should be allowed to get on with the job they were elected/unelected to do - making Britain children future together now.

Sunday operating at full capacity

Tough few weeks incoming for Ned Pointsman, who appears to've dined at the Epstein residence on a number of occasions

Nonsense!

Remembering Geoff Hoon (he's still alive, I am just remembering him). Any of my Hoonheads got some Hoonstories?

TROY CLUB! Sunday 8th February! The Black Heart, Camden! With amazing headliner PAT CAHILL & an incredible supporting lineup featuring Richard Todd, @charlievmartin.bsky.social, Sami Abu Wardeh, and me (Leslie, hi!). MC @andrewoneillcomedy.bsky.social.

TICKETS: www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/troy-club-...

Over on instagram comics are, for some reason, sharing gags via the three-panel collage format at an increased rate of late.

Kent Cricket is using the Winkie's Diner scene from Mulholland Drive to announce Fred Klaassen's contract extension, but Fred doesn't appear at the back of the diner. A criminal missed opportunity.

Is this good?

Had a lovely day at the London Wetland Centre. Cheers.

Monster CEO increasingly concerned that if society collectively refuses to feed monster it will not have the strength to destroy anything

A special birthday shoutout for my beloved lads - four today and blissfully unaware of it.

After Mark Carney's bold speech standing up to US hegemony, I'm delighted that I will finally be able to wear the Davos lapel pin I picked up from a market for £2 with pride. Viva Davos - it's good again! Hoping for a similar reprieve for my Bilderberg mug.

'The Poke? It's your cousin The Prod - you know that new top 10 funniest skeets of the week you were looking for...'

sorry i only drink vimto for men. thats the one with the gun on the packaging

They call it 'blue clock' (/'dial' dependent on model)

If you put a microwave on for a specific period of time and take the food out before the time is up, it stops the microwave from being able to cum.

In honour of President Trump receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, I present me winning the Edinburgh Comedy Award

[Having been hit by a gun that turns me into The Spectator]: forcing people to cover up is something the Ayatollah would do - Grok is at the forefront of the liberation of Iran.

[Having been hit by a gun that turns me into The Spectator]: forcing people to cover up is something the Ayatollah would do - Grok is at the forefront of the liberation of Iran.

If the yank dares to try and change a thing about Greenland's wonderful flag he'll have me to answer to.

Absolute tap-in

Coastal erosion really fell off the rankings of environmental threats. Positively quaint these days.

The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (ACMS) The Phoenix, Cavendish Sq, by Oxford Circus Monday 12th January 2026, 7:30pm-10:40ish Thom Tuck (MC) + umpteen excellent guests: Alexander Richmond, Andy Barr, Beattie Edmondson, Ciaran Chillingworth, Grace Jarvis, Holly Burn, Jake Baker, Joz Norris, Naomi Paxton, Paul Savage, Tom Neenan £10, or £9-£12 online, from wegottickets.com £12 at the gig, doors open 7pm noblefailure.org

#ACMS
📆 Tonight!
🏰 The Phoenix
🎟️ £9+ online from wegottickets.com/event/685242/ till 5pm;£12 on the door
😻 hosted by @turlygod.bsky.social & @joznorris.bsky.social-lookalike Hugh Jackman
🎁 bring goodies for the Unwanted Christmas Presents swap
🌈 free guestlist for trans & non-binary folk, just ask